My heart felt heavy. I miss everyone that matters. Although life is going as smooth as it should be. I want my old life back which I know is impossible. Most days are Ok, some I just have to pick myself up and move forward.
I keep thinking how my parents would be so proud of me and my 'lil sis. I long to have her home cooked meals that I always took for granted and her scolding on how to better myself. I cant even begin how to describe daddy's silent strong presence. Mostly I miss kaklong and her outlook on life. At 42 years old you would think I should have a grip already. But a sound, a smell, a face that I come across will take me back to old times, good times. Even the bad times seems far better now.
Momentary lapses is so hurtful I feel that I cant go on. In times like this I long for familiarity. Wish and wished I could only have a fleeting conversation with all 3 of them. Most of all i'm tired of always having to be conscious to block these feelings so that I could function on a daily basis.
I am grateful and appreciate the blessings that im enjoying but Im so tired of appearing happy all the time when there are so many around me are so needful. GOD help me please........
