No Title

Jules sent me this and the timing was just right and sums up the whole of my week.......

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There may be days when u get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be. That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down. But those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in youself. There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them.

Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are. So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be. Because the challenges and changes will only help you find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.

Keep Believing in Yourself.

Raya Gifts

Its already the 11th day of Ramadhan and its the time to think of Raya gifts and ensure the list is complete so that no one is left out. Here comes the headache........

This is also the year, the family decides that we should go to all the relatives house from Tanjung Malim right up to Penang. This is going to be one long trip up north.

Anyway, here comes the tricky part. I've basically sorted out the 'must-buy gifts' and another pile of 'emergency-gifts'. But looking at the agenda..........I've gotta be prepared for 'bundle-gifts' as well. Nanti Mak Bedah, Makcik Joyah dan Pakcik Mat merajuk lah pulak................

So where do you draw the line at giving one relative a gift and another one who is not close to you who is at the same house? I dont know the Auntie Jenab (quote from my mom "She's the daughter of your late grandfather's second wife's niece........bla..bla..bla..) and I sure dont even recall Uncle Muhamad (quoted "He's the uncle that came to this house who claims to be my adopted brother's nephew's son.......bla..bla..bla.). That is not to mention the hoodlums of kids all of they have got going for them!!!!

Oh well, I'll probably end up broke this month but look at the bright side..........Everyone will be having a fabulous and a fantastic Eid.

P/s Names used have been changed for confidentiality purposes. Hahahahha!!!!!

Sober up!

Hai.........bulan ramadhan ni bermacam-macam peristiwa terjadi. For starters, I havent been able to get enough shut eye and in the last few days none at all. Oh Well.....let the brain work overtime once or twice kan? Asyik perut je yang work overtime, dia pun fed-up. Hahahaha....

Anyway, after so many hours and no brain rest will make u hallucinate a lot of things. And ultimately I was bound to do something embarrassing....so typical of me! Pinggan pecah, jalan tergelincir, cakap marapu..............my scatter-brain is so sluggish that my mom said I even talk nonsense.

Bila dah mengelamun memanjang ni lah akibatnya. So it was my usual morning, sahur and get ready, few sms, and I'm off to catch the train to work. Shaking off my lethargic state of mind, I settled into the coach and wait for the 45-min trip to the office. Must be my lucky day as I got a seat today.....what a relief!!

Next stop a very, very, very big lady with a protruding stomach got in and stood right smack in my face. Without thinking, I offered her my seat (still not learning from past experiences). She was so insulted and started making faces at me while shaking her head from left to right. I thot, kenapa kakak ni.......mentally challenged ke? And I kept ushering her to my seat.

Last-last dia kata "IT's OK, I'm not PREGNANT!!!!"

Aiseh.........malu gue. Pejam lah mata 45-min ride tu. Heheheheeheheh......................

Big, Bold and Beautiful

I've always believed that confidence is sexy. Confidence is the only thing that separates the 'it' and the 'wanna-be-s'. So what if I dont have both? Neither confident much less sexy? How do I compensate my being? What am I so happy for if I dont have that main core essence?

I suppose the best is I accept the things by which fate binds me............I love the people with whom I come in contact with and I do this sincerely..........at least to the best of my ability and for sure my secret of finding deep fulfillment lies in serving others.

Turning a New Leaf

The last couple of days has its ups and down to say the least.

A small bird whispered that something's in the air.....and that I should be watchful for any surprise coming my way. True enough from Saturday I have been giddy by a welcomed attention lavished upon me. I guess I must be doing something good to be given this opportunity to have some shred of happiness in the universe.

A beginning of something beautiful? I sure hope so and I wish all will be well. Smile............

Romance Anyone?

"Its amazing how u knock me off my feet........Everytime u come around me I get weak. AAAwwwwwwwww......is that romanctic?"

Romantic taik kucing! This mamat........let me call him MAMAT. He is so vain and so full of himself in addition to being a klutz! Knocked me right off my feet, for sure because he tend to come and talk to you so close and when u turn around you would just run over him. He's never heard of this thing called 'personal space' where u dont stand too near of the opposite sex for fear of being called gatal!

And the part where I get weak? Well memang sah lemah satu badan bila tau he's around. EEEEeeeeeeeee Geli Siut! He would leer and look at my boobs if he has all day. I constantly have to remind him, "....my face is up here....." What the @#%*...........

Moral of the story is............knock someone before u get knocked and never ever get weak around a man u have no intention of sleeping with!

When Bored, Watch Korean Series.......

I have fallen deeply, madly, consistently in love with the new Korean channel on my cable. It started off as passing through and flicking through the channels during the time when I came back early after office hours without any plans or anything interesting to watch on the tele.

Surprisingly, I stopped at this new channel because I saw it was on an epic series on how a mom was upset with their children and how she felt empty after her children are all grown up and have started families on their own. And I'm a sucker for such things. Is there all there is to life? So what am I whining about here?

After that, another new drama series was on. It told of a coming-of-age story in this day and age. Anyway, what made me stuck like glue to the tele was the mixture of modernisation of how the story was portrayed mixed with old-age-tradition of respect for the elders, living life the right way and the values of life. It was a combination of all that I wanted to watch I suppose, from the acting to the beautiful scenery and the sacred of family's belonging.

I'm hooked !

Sex and The City

Finally! I saw the movie......I've had the CD for some time but everytime I have the chance to view, I seem to procrastinate. I'm not really sure why I did that until I saw it.

The movie has a happy ending in the most practical way. The storyline is as typical as the TV series. Nothing to shout about. The costumes, now that is another matter. Its too lavish that only movie stars will wear them. No surprise there. Even the sex scenes were 'normal'.

Coming back to me, I have to admit I didnt want to see a happy ending movie because I'm bleeding love as it is. I can wish all I can to have my own happy ending but I know its beyond my reach.........at least for now.

Sigh........I'll just have to be calm and accept how things are for now.

...not sure what to title this...........

The funny thing about expectations is that it creeps up on you when u least expect it. Again........expectations. Why do we do this to ourselves? Maybe its because we think we are holy-er than thou?

Without realizing it, we tend to be annoyed or irritated when someone doesn't conform to our way or think the way we do or give back as much as we're giving? What made us even think that our way is the right way? God forbid if anyone should say this to our face. We'd probably be screaming our heads off. Obviously, we will never admit this narcissism of ourselves.

Its harder to chew the hard-truth and as mere-mortals we tend to portray the 'correct and acceptable ways' when deep down we could or may not be that. But that's life. People, friends, experiences molds us to what we are today. We go through it unintentionally picking up on things we may not even be aware of.

I'm not sure how to end this...............hurts to think too much on it.

Some Things u Just Cant Escape......

I went to 2 weddings last weekend.
One was easy enough, I was a guest. My colleague's daughter who is 10 years younger than me got married. Which [for a woman who'd like to bear children], is the best time to be married.



So there I was in my 'kurung' all dolled up looking so decent and feeling miserable. The heat and the million dollar question, the "When are U getting married when you're already 35"!!!! proved to be too much ....................I survived obviously since I'm writing this up.

Anyway, for the 2nd wedding they needed my help. Since I'm not good at anything creative, I thought I could just do the 'bunga rampai', one kind of potpourri if you may. Which by the way, any 5 year old could've done. But because of the sheer volume that's needed, I thought I'd pitched in. I can very well say after shredding the particular leaf called 'daun pandan' which smells heavenly, I now know how to make something so bland into a sweet smelling condiments for a wedding. I must say the mixture of rose water and vanilla cream makes such a profound effect for the nostril and keeps the leaf looking bright days after the event.

Once that was done, there was still so many more things to do and without an organizer for the whole event, everyone just pitched in without anyone having a grip of the whole shenanigans. Without missing a beat, I was put in charge of the 'bunga telor'; another add-ons (boiled eggs) to a malay wedding. That doesn't sound so hard, does it?

Well, its not just putting the egg into its casing. I've gotta boil it first.

Guess what? I need to boil 2000 of them !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So now, I'm officially the "TELOR CHICKs". Heheheheeheh

Ah.........but the wedding turned out OK, not great, but OK. Everyone went back in one piece and with my back bent and in need of a serious massage, I'm happy I could lend a hand.

Surprisingly to me after going and being in the midst of these weddings, I realized I don't mind one myself. But I'd rather not settle for one. I've put it at the back-burner for some time and now I'm ready to face it. I'm not scared of it anymore. If it comes, great. If it doesn't, I'll wait.

Congratulations Mek and Family.

One of Those Days.

"Harroo" "Harroo" Any want speaking d engrish?"
"Yes.......good morning Sir, *&#$ Berhad..........How may I help you?"
"Yes ahhhh....u speaking d engrish?"

Ya Allah...........another one of those god forsaken foreign callers that hardly speaks the right language and asking me if I speak English. Pagi2 dah naik darah. Lepas tu refuse le pulak nak cakap apa yang dia nak. Selagi aku tak jawab aku tau cakap bahasa yang dia nak, selagi tu dia tanya soalan yang sama! Bukan le aku pekak kan. Tapi bila aku jawab in perfect english, dia yang tak faham.

Yang peliknya kenapa lah operator kat *&#$ Berhad ni pun asyik pass semua segala callers yang complicated ni to my line. Agaknya dia ingat aku ni staff-cum-operator terhormat kat sini kot. Hampeh betul lah.

Itu tak pe lah lagi. The next call lagi dahsyat........

"Yes.......u are somebadi? Sambadi spreak please? Who arrr you? You are from *&#$ Berhad, yes."

Oh God........dia yang panggil. Dia yang tanya. Dia yang jawab............boleh?? Rasa nak pitam sekejap. I've never had a person who asks me a question, then question his one query and in the same breath, answer his question.

What did I do to cause me this much headache and its only 9am!!

That's Life

I was sitting around having coffee at 730am just now, hardly blinking and looking only half human when an old colleague from my previous department came over. Haven't spoken to him in a long while. As we get into the normal routine small talk and the infamous "How are U".........i noticed that he has this far away look. I took notice of this and cautiously asked him if everything is alright. He informed me that his wife passed away about 2 weeks ago and today was his first day at work.

What a bummer! Not the fact that he has lost his 'everything' but of all people I was there. Me.......who don't really know how to be compassionate with others and who's awkward at giving empathy towards them. What do I say?

So I didn't........and I asked him if he'd like to talk so that I could just listen. When he said no.........I sat there anyway and we drank our coffee and at the 11th hour, I gave him a hug. And when he's ready we both went up the stairs to your offices and back to real life.

Stay away........

This is what I had last night. BUT the thing is ..... I don't share dessert......

There have been awkward and embarrassing moments when I had to educate those who are new dining wt me about the DOs and DONTs of scooping my dessert even for a taste!

Its not my fault if you order that non-food called 'salad', picking at the greens then salivate when my dessert comes around. The whole idea of having desserts is for the whole savory experience of complementing a well-relished dish.

Stop coming into my own 'personal space of dessert heaven' by extending your arms over and over and over again and yet saying, "Oooohhhhhh I have to watch my diet". On top of that how dare u ask me whether i have any conscience when you're the one who cannot seem to stop yourself from lugging in my creamy, rich, flavory, warm chocolate with vanilla custard filling !

For god's sake WOMAN...........order your own dessert!!!! I DON'T SHARE DESSERT.......And stop spooning mine!!!!!!

My Sunshine

Last weekend I was busy running around town with my younger Sis before she has to head back to her workplace up north in BM. We ended at Jln T.A.R. that's infested with all throngs of people and managed to get couple of specific things that we needed. To top it off, it was pouring rain in KL that Saturday. On Sunday, we went out again to clear off the list of her things again and back to running in and out of town. That's just the kind of weekend I would normally have wt Jules.

We were resting in the midst of all that and just stopped to have coffee somewhere in Taman Tun when I realized that without her I'd feel lonely. I kinda take it for granted that she would drive me around and being the elder Sis, I do sometimes pressured her to follow my whims and fancies and to be at my beck and call. Each and every time she's back in town, I would act as if she'd be here forever.

We are close and I'm sure would always be closer. I know BM is not that far but when she's not around it feels as if she could be on another continent. I suppose even when she was in KL its just the knowledge of knowing she would always be about 15min away from me gives me the contentment of her presence. And that makes it all OK.

Now, I've got to learn how to be alright being by myself and keeping myself occupied without having her by my side. I know I'm just being whiny and I'll get out of this sombre mood soon. Its just another phase of growing up and life!

Aha!

I watched some re-runs of Oprah last night and as usual there will be something that she says throughout the show that will make sense and is captured by my run-away mind at some point.

"Every person that comes into our lives at a particular time is because of a reason"
"That person can be considered as a Teacher and we're the Student or vice-versa"
"A Teacher will only appear when the Student is ready"
.........that was my "A-ha" moment..............

I'M SORRY.....and Happy Birthday

Dedicated to that person whom I'am apologizing to. Does it look like tis sorry?

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I do make such a big hassle when someone forgets my birthday and I have no excuses for it.
Somehow the thought just flew off my mind and InshaAllah I will get you what you want when I see you next. I'm sure you have had a lovely time last Monday and I wish you would hurry on home so that I could tebus segala dosaku!!!!

Haunting Revelations

3 days ago
I feel ok, balanced and everything's gonna be alright.
4 days ago
Still wondering, contemplating.......let me sleep on it.
5 days ago

At a moment when I'm going through a myriad of emotions I came across this marvelous person that I had only known for a couple of days. Do I call him Stranger? I feel that not all the information passed to me is the truth or even the right one but it certainly is the right ones AT THIS MOMENT to be given to me.

Despite the fiction of it all, I was happy that I was able to help. But if I’m really truthful to myself I should say that he did me a favour and all that I did was actually a selfish act on my end. I needed confirmation in the worst possible way and that is BEING NEEDED.
I’ve never felt better as when I know I made a difference, or when I make someone happy or if I am wanted. I haven’t felt that in a long time and truth be told, the boost given to me is all about me.

Yes, I have always been a giver and yes at times I felt so constricted by what I put myself into, I tend to re-act badly. I feel I deserve more when in fact I did this to myself. I have no one to blame but myself. In the end, I should really take a deep look at what I need and what I should let go.

I felt free.
I felt beautiful.
I felt important.
I felt liberated!

And it’s all due to a Stranger that I came into contact whom I have no idea where he’s been, what he’s about and why he’s the way he is. He sounds like a caring person although he may have his own demons and may be more skeletons in the closet than me.

Whatever the real situation is, I don’t need to find out. But I am thankful for dropping by into my life for a split second and making me think, feel and act the way I want for a change.

Do I still call him a Stranger?

Yes, I suppose I will. I don’t expect him to understand my babbling as one person’s canvas is another painter’s carefree will to paint. But I thank him and I do wish him all the best and may he’s blessed for if he can make one lonely woman feel half as what I felt tonight, he should have all the break he deserves.

Fatty Crab.....again

LYN was recently promoted and wanted to celebrate. We had deferred this so many times due to EL's hectic schedule and finally after much delay I decided enough is enough and lets just get out of the stuffy office. Since LYN was very much crappy after two weeks on the job, I decided what better way then to take both of them to FATTY CRAB. Hehehehe......Feeling crappy go to Fatty Crab!


**BTW, both this pic was copied from google as I didnt get a chance to snap it before all 3 of us gulped down this beautiful tasty morsels.**


So there we were sucking on the delicious sweet and sour crab, accompanied by the beautifully fried rice with shrimps, oblivious to our surroundings. We laughed, talked, made fun of each other and I couldnt help but see all the other around us and I dont see much of what I am experiencing at that moment.

This is the good life, good times, good company and I'm so appreciative to be able to have all this and am content to just savour the moment and wishing it will continue for much much longer.

The Ones that I Cherish

LEO sent me a forwarded mail I suppose, marked [World Best Friends Week] and it read something like this.........

"We met by chance and turned into friends
and now our destiny keeps us close to each other"
"Making our Friendship grow more with the passing time, U are Friend of a Lifetime"



I can never say good things enough about LEO. Even with all his paranoia (about himself, I may add) his meticulous strive for excellence, exceptional self-worth, caring ways with his other friends.....not to mention how he can make anyone laugh out loud in their most down time....... I am always grateful for his never-ending style of making others feel good about themselves. And that is a trait worth hanging on to.

And to all my other close buddies who have been there and put up with me through my ultasonic, short-circuit and indescribable mood swings. Thanks guys. You know who you are.

I'm JINX-ed

I'm not sure why but day has been teetering on getting from bad to worse to the unbelievable today.

It began last night when I left the office. Got on the train at about 745pm and as usual if its late, there's plenty of seats. After a hard day's work, I just plonked myself in the seat and closed my eyes for the 45-min ride. As we got halfway, the train stopped and couple more people got on and there was on only one seat left. One of them was this blind person. Trying to be nice, I offered my seat. He scorned me by saying "Hey, i'm not an invalid" Poohh....i was semi-embarrassed but not that bad. I said, "That's OK". Next station he was off and as he walked past me, his cane tapped my foot and he turned around and said, "Hey! Are u blind?" I was ready to just snap my tongue but held it. Patience was never my attribute but that borders on just mean.

Further on, a deaf/mute couple got in. I sat there without saying anything because I thought they're young surely they can stand. Suddenly the guy look at me and was flailing his arms and saying something to me obviously with his facial expression going from incredulous to almost murderous! Oh my god, What did I do??? Surprisingly fast, they got off the train with the girl showing me her index finger! The nerve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I was reeling down from all these mishaps, I got to the last station and there was no cab in sight. Had to call for a ride back home and got a lip-service from my sis. Geeeez............

This morning, came in late, sloshed coffee all over my pant-suit, my computer suddenly went blank and I cant view my calender and everything on it. My phone decided to give me a dead-tone and my boss is cranky.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Teppanyaki

Ah......the delicious teppanyaki. Look at all those vege. Although I'm a meat lover, that combination of stir-fry vege and lots and lots of fried garlic plus their special blend of pepper and rock salt would salivate anyone.




I brought a 'teppanyaki-skeptic' to dinner with me and he doesnt eat anything that he thinks is "weird". Anyway, my first order of salmon teppanyaki was so salty that I pushed it aside and ordered myself a second of beef teppanyaki. While waiting, this big fella gingerly tasted the leftover food for he hates to waste food.

In the end he finished up both my salmon and beef teppanyaki because the chef decided to be overly generous with the salt.

I was still burning angry by the time we left and end up with a limp burger on the way back home while he cleaned his tooth and complimenting on this new discovery of food that he love. MMMMppppppphsshhhhhh!!!!

Apology

The most bizarre thing happened to me last night.

Someone from my past came over for a visit and started to apologize to me for all the wrongdoings he had done and ask for forgiveness.

As I sat there blinking and acted stupid for a couple of minutes, my mind raced to find what actually went wrong. I was so dumbstruck for so long that for awhile this person thought I've gone mad.

The irony was that I didnt even know we had any misunderstandings all these years although I did wonder why the friendship was cut short.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I didnt realize my own mistakes, I have always had the assumption that I didnt go out there taking my friends for granted but I've been an open book without the intention to hurt anyone.

I ended up apologizing as well as I didnt realize I had hurt the person by being aloof, careless and unintentionally let go of something that would've made me very happy now.


I doubt any of you reading this would understand my babbling............

What's in the Past....should stay in the Past.

I'm not sure why but when I think back of my old-flames - good and funny memories comes first and foremost. I think thats quite a good outlook for my life, eh? I've had my share of hurting, badly I must say. However, the first thing that pops into my brain when I think of them are the good times and all the horrible BUT fun things we did together as a couple.

Obviously the reason I'm writing about this is because one of them called the other day and I was civil enough and wanted to know how I was doing. Well I can be honest here..........he wanted to pursue me back again BUT with all kinds regulations because he's been hurt. (Did I mention he was the one who dumped me to marry another?)

With a smile on my face, I was calm when I said thanks but no thanks. But if he need a friend, he has my number.

A day of Cooking

I SUCK at cooking!!!!

Yesterday was my day in the kitchen. Right after work......... I jumped right in. And immediately the headache accompanied as well. Suffice to say, my whole family also thinks the day I'm supposed to cook is their nightmare as well. (Mainly coz I will force them to eat my hideous tasting cooking). Somehow even after years of this torture my mum still insists that I cook. She thinks she'll be able to 'correct' this deform of mine by being persistent.

I love nasi campur so my menu was kerang masak lemak, ikan asam pedas, bayam goreng and telur asin. Rich and yet so satisfying.........Surprisingly it turned out well, I didnt burn the kitchen down, minor accident with the knife AND my rice turned out perfect! Fabulous -:))

Why is it So Difficult to Remain Casual Friends with the Opposite Sex

I have a generous number of friends.

Platonically, I've always been closer to my female counterparts. I have only 1 good buddy who is of the masculine sex and its truly fully platonic with no sexual connotation whatsoever. I must admit, its easier to be close to men than it is with women. I'm not sure why or is it just me .


Male friends are also easier maintained. But I must say, it will always lead down the same way......however good or close of a friend we are........it will somehow lead to some sort of a sexual nature if only one loses grip.

I dont know, given the option I do prefer to be around my male acquaintance but I cannot handle the sexual tension that naturally comes when expectations and feelings are entertwined.

Unease

I have been having an uneasy feelings for the last couple of days but I just cant quite figure out what it was. My sleep has also been sound - without any dreams, which to me is quite bizarre because my mind and soul wanders and I would normally have dreams. So the combination of those two are not normal for me. I do feel something is about to happen; be it good or bad. I'm just not sure.

Could it be because I miss my sister who moved away from home? Could it be that my non-relationship state is beginning to sit well with me? Could it be that I will have 2 upcoming trips around my country that is supposed to be work-cum-fun? Could it be that my work seems to be on a neutral ground with a marvelous boss around?

I just dont know but the unease continues.......................

Poo-Poo

Aku sakit perut today...........................

Semalam terkinja-kinja melantak
Japanese food. Stuffed with all kinds of
delicacies.......semua segala yang fresh
dan yang tak masak mcm sashimi ni......


The only saviour is Teppanyaki & Tempura.

Dont get me wrong.........I LOVE JAPANESE FOOD!!!!! But after so many Oysters, Escargot, etc.
can you blame my stomach for complaining?



Lepas tu..........sempat plak pi teh tarik.

Sampai pulak rumah, Jeng....Jeng...Jeng....the most wonderful durian is right there on the table!!! Oh my god........how can i NOT sample some? That's pure sin.


TODAY......I've been visiting the toilet for the umpteenth times. Urgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its Hard to Breathe

If I lose consciousness before I can get a chance to tell you how much I care for you, Please remember me in your prayers.

I felt a deep attraction for someone and any way I look at it, its wrong.
I know I cant do anything about it because its forbidden.
So all I'm gonna do is keep my feelings to myself,
And move on...................

SEXY.....anyone?

What would you consider sexy?

A beautiful face?
A curvaceous, hot body?
Lots of money and material based?

....or Fantastic Personality?

Most of us (I think) have evolve throughout time and no longer hold on to everything that E! Channel & beauty magazine sells nowadays.

Most of us have come above all that superficial stereotyping and would like to think that we are beyond that.

Most of us are just human..............

If there is a person who seem to have it all - beauty, intelligence, proportionate body and good genes in addition to a fabulous personality & educated on top of it, wouldnt that be the 'dream woman' for all?

Somehow that doesnt seem to be enough for some men and I take it literally because the 'excitement' is long gone after all the above has been exhausted. So what chance do mortals like us have without all of the above?

Having said all said, I dont know about you all, but for me CONFIDENCE is SEXY !!!

In addition to self-esteem and loving myself and the most beautiful thing about it is that no one can take that away from me -:))

Kick-back & Relax

I was bored and end up at Plaza Damas recently.
End up at Plaza Damas at
the Pancake Hse and damn....the food there is delish!!! Just fabulous. Nice display as what you can see and a new way to enjoy your pancakes.....I would recommend anyone who's into something savoury to pay a visit. Situated at the laid-back Plaza Damas, its a quiet

place. Thoroughly enjoyed myself. Thought of LEO and all the food that he enjoys there -:))............I pun dpt gak! Well, this is the good life that I'm enjoying right now. No complains........
so far. Hahahaha.

Something to Think About

Yesterday I read an article about self-revelations after deciding on a wrong choice. One of the sentence in the closing struck me as something which each and everyone of us should reflect on. It said...... "I never regret but I take it as lesson learned".

How many of us could really say that and mean it? Wouldnt it be less stressful if everytime we made bad choices we could take a moment, admit our own fault and move on. Breathe and be more conscience of our actions so that we dont go through the same wrong path.

Instead, sometimes when we realized we're in deep shit, we like to over-analyse the matter to death and still come up with excuses to blame everyone and everything around us.

Having said that, I'm still in the process of loving myself enough to know when to stop, take a moment, be concious of my surrounding and the choices I made and be accountable for it.

Trip to Penang - Part III

Isnt's she cute? Sepanjang masa di Penang asyik membuta!! Ni lah intan payung my parents that will finally fly away from home to work up north. All of us have mixed feelings about it but I thought this is a good time as any for her to really grow up. I love you Jules. Jgn mare......

We checked out the house that was rented

for her by the Company and it looked OK. I thing all of uf got more excited about it than she did! Hehehheeh.........berangan pulak nak tinggal situ. My only concern is the kilang papan sebelah rumah tu which is infested with Banglas and Nepalis. I sure hope she's OK later.

The last pic showed her office locations which left a dry taste in our mouths because its so far off from the main road and looks exactly like what it stands for. Construction...........with all the happenings of stale bread. Ummph!!! Good luck lah Jules.

What can I say eh.........my worry for her will never stop wherever she is in the world, I think. Its time to let go...................

Trip to Penang - Part II

The second day, we were still cruising around at Penang Island when I come across this mamak roti and I chased him for more than 2 minutes because I was salivating for the only type of bread that can only be found at these type of vendor. I'm sure I gave the mamak a heart-stopper for looking like a lunatic then. But......u havent tried the bread/butter/kaya, so dont comment!

The following pic is my mom enjoying bawal goreng yang ter-best in the world!!

Air botol ni lah yang dicari-cari, baru berjumpa........mcm jejak kasih -:))

Tengok lah betapa panas terik nya, tetapi oleh sebab si-bawal tu paksa juga diri duduk amongst the
kelapa sawit plantation. Btw, that's my sis

(which I will tell a story in Part III) and my dad at the back, wiping their perspiration.

Mee-rebus is another must of mine

to have........siap ngan sotong lagi tu. Tapi yang mahal tu.........kuku pun siap posing. Hahahaha...........

Having had all that, we retired for the day and was so relieved when no one had constipation with the amount food we gorged!

Trip Back to Penang - Part I

I should have updated this abt 10days ago but been tied up......as usual. BUT, I promise you this time you will feast your eyes with a colourful pics and stories. YAY!!! Cukup2 lah cerita sedih buat tahun ni kan.

I made the trip up north on Labour Day, 1st May to take advantage of the long hols. On the way tu teringat lah pulak citer Leo abt the best pau on the northern part and stopped at T.Malim. Memang giler sedap!!! Pau kacang dia to die for. I can attest to that and confirm. One-third into the journey, we reached Teluk Intan and on the spur-of-the-moment, I asked Dad to swing and stop by. I paid my respect's to Noormi. Doubt it helps but its for me.

The trip was worth-it and full of mishaps and revelations but it was good for the whole family. We checked into Gurney Resort and this is how the view looks like from the window. Awesome, eh? BTW, if I had the money, I would buy the house just next to it and spend time by the beach all day!

Having said all that we made ourselves buzy and going around town and spending time with the family has never been more wonderful. With all the fabulous food around, I'm surprised by how much we enjoyed ourselves. But then again, Penang has always been the greastest get-away place for me.

Warkah Buat Noormi

The song kept repeating itself in my head...............

Melancholy swept over me in a rush and the old repressed feelings of loss pushed upwards and tear pooled in my eyes and dropped slowly down my barren face......I havent thought of you for so long. I havent cried for so long.

Each time I pressed the replay button, memories of us came back like it was just yesterday. We were laughing, we were eating, we were out at work, we were hanging out, we were at the hospital....................I was standing there alone at your grave.

It used to anger me ................. Now, I just wish I could recall back your face and have at least one more minute to talk to you and be in your presence. I want to tell you about Lyn, EL, Leo, Bad, Ezam, Zizie, Anita. I want to hear you say everything will work out OK.

Sometimes the pain is so real, I just dont know what to grasp to ease it.

Sometimes I just want to be told that I will find someone who could fill your gap.

I am surrounded by so many others but at times I feel so alone that sometimes I feel as if I can feel you looking over me and rasa hati so tipis. I just miss you so much. I keep looking over my shoulder and wishing I can get a glimpse of you somewhere, anywhere. I'm totally lost without you. Rasa perit sesangat. ............No one could fill your shoes, until today.

I drop down on my knees, sobbing uncontrollaby, asking, praying for just one more glance in your presence...........I just want you back even for one minute.

Ya Allah........I just cant stop playing the song. God help me.

I do love you so, Noormi.

Do U Play?

I came across this book by Robin Sharma and was so taken by one of his chapter and I'd like to share it with you guys and invite you to ponder your life.

When you ask a child what he'll do today"? The reply comes in one big word : "PLAY". Perfect Answer!!

I reflected on the importance of play. How often do you ask an adult "What do you plan on doing today?" and get the response "PLAY"..........may be that's why our world is broken.

What would your life look like if there was more play? What would your experience of work be like if you had more fun doing your job, no matter what job you do? What would your relationships look like with more spontaneity, laughter, festivity and youthful - no, wild - abdandon? As adults, we stop playing once we assume the responsibilities of life. Adults are nothing more than deteriorated children.

Why? It doesnt have to be that way. Make the time to play. Find the time to be a little reckless and silly. Be imaginative at work and bring curiosity back to your days. Get back to that sense of wonder you knew when life was all about make-believe, riding yor bike and enjoying every second of this journey called living.

And the next time someone looks at you, with your power suits and serious face - and asks what you plan on doing today, I invite you to confidently give the only reply that matters : "I'm going out to play".

Weekends!

Really.........the picture has got nothing to do with what I'm about to write BUT.......look at the massive size of it!!

Lazy weekends should be spent indoor. At least thats what I would like to do. The best is to wake up late, have brunch, catch up on some reading AND DO NOTHING for the rest of the day.

Ah.......heaven nya.....Of course thats not what happen on every single weekend I had. Hahahahha! In short :-

Friday night : Had to take Julie out for dinner and shopping.
Friday night : Got a call and met up with Marc for a drink and end up partying till my feet hurt
Friday night : Went across town just because they wanted the exact roti canai & teh tarik in that particular place;
Friday night : ..........Am I still talking abt friday night that never seem to end...............

Saturday : Early morning was rudely awaken by this meowing of a cat that appears out of nowhere.
Saturday : Went marketing at an ungodly hour on 7am and was dragged all over and end up smelling like

the cat I fed this morning ..............urgh!!!!

Saturday : Had to do spring cleaning and another cat showed up........am I the cat lady now?

Saturday : Went all the way to Subang to do groceries shopping because mummy wants to get the stuff

from this particular cat shop........(i know i'm babbling now)

Saturday : On the way back from Subang, a CAT stopped in the middle of the road. Forced us to stop.
Saturday : My old friend KAT called........asking to go out in the middle of the night

(Husband problem - geeee go figure)

Sunday : Now you would think it would be my day...........WRONG!!
(I'm too tired to tell the density and complexity that came with Sunday).

Happy reading

http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/FromCasualToCommitted

Now if I can do exactly as per the piece above says,

I'd be in seventh heaven! -:))

Raining Gifts

I am truly blessed.......on top of the lunches, dinners and shows that I had been invited to this week I seem to be receiving gifts left and right. This one was given to me on a spur of the moment by my boss. Nice eh? Its from Mikimoto and has a small but elegant pearl at the top. Nice.

Little to my surprise, before end of the day I got another package with a Cerruti 1881 pen, a cute little bear and a lollipop! Cute one, Harry! Wish I had taken the pic. before I tore open the package.

Updates.....

I havent been updating my blogs lately. Let me see.......

March - Vacation at Krabi (the best this year)
- Reported for duty (expatriate boss)
- More birthdays celebrations
April - Celine Dion concert (superb sounds)
- More farewell parties
- Lots of gifts for my 'week'

Lots more things and outings that happened but wasnt captured soon enough that I forget of what I did these 2 months. One things for sure, I had fun with those closest to me and ones that matter.

Nothing so significant that I want to write about actually.

One of the things I know is that I miss Leo as I talk more and more to him lately. I do wish he'd be here most of the time to cheer and lift up my spirits when things got to be too much. I guess that makes a lot of wishes for Leo to be back in the country. Hehehehehe..........

Facts of Life

Relationship is surely the mirror in which you discover yourself.

Understanding others' challenges, struggles and abilities can help us appreciate and understand our own. Often we project our issues onto the mirror of our partner.

No system, however can reach into a couple's private inner sanctuary; only they can know and appreciate the internal dynamics of their relationship; only they can experience the difficulties and the lessons. The innermost thoughts, feelings and struggles of others are theirs alone to see and theirs to work out in their own way.

As we come to appreciate the dynamics of our relationship we turn it into a powerful means of insight, awareness and personal growth. Relationships serve mutual needs. In the positive the bring joy; in the negative they bring lessons that cant be ignored for long.

In the end, I think compassion & deeper emphatic bond will result in increased good-will, mutual support, loving demands, good humour and improved communication; just to name a few of what relationship tends to be.

All human life has its seasons and cycles, and no one's personal chaos can be permanent. It seems essential, in relationships that we concentrate only on what is most significant and important.

Delicious Fun

Last weekend was another one of those run-by-the-mill activities.....family, friends, dancing -:))

But one that I will write about is my outing to Fatty Crab. I've always loved seafood. The only problem is I'm allergic to it. So all the times I had been out over the years konon nya pi makan seafood is equivalent to me picking at tidbits of scraps of those delicious sinful thing the rest called seafood galore. Most time than not, its rice and vege for me for fear of me turning into Nutty Professor with a giant face at the end of a seafood meal.

Anyway, I dont know what made me brave it out when a close friend suggested at the spur of the moment to hit the stall and for once try out my cravings for Crab. I thought........"What the heck....I might as well do it" "Whats the worst that can happen" "Most to most....the patrons there will just run when they see me start to bloat"

We ordered simple enough....fried rice, chicken wings, small plate of Crab and toast bread. Ya Allah hu Ya Kareem..........10min into it I cant stop!!!! Those things are simply superb. Why didnt anyone told me before? I lost out on years and years of this awesome taste? With a hammer in one hand and messy as hell, I was happily chugging down them.

Ahhhh.........thanks Babe for the wonderful outing and what will now be one of my regular stops I'm sure ;)

Happy Birthday Kaklong

Birthdays to me is a BIG deal.

Late yesterday evening after I've settled down from my chaotic and messy day, I gave a call to Kaklong, asking how her birth-day has been and what she's up to for the night. Much to my dismay, she said she's on the way home! I thought......where's the party? where's the get together with close friends? where's the special something someone who's suppose to keep her company and have a merry-good time?

The next thing I know, I'm in the train heading straight to KLCC and we end up having a quiet but satisfied dinner at Spring Garden. I'm not just talking about the great food and the excellent conversation we had. It was one of those times when we had a deep discussion and open communication that actually meant a lot to both of us.

I've always loved kaklong dearly. Its not the same with my love for parents or Jules. I love Jules to pieces and cant imagine anythg harmful happening to her and has been sickeningly protective towards her. But KAKLONG.......She's my rock and the most sensitive person I've known. She's someone whom you can count on at every corner in every situation and just a wonderful damn good person.

We hardly talk much over the years growing up and from a young age I've been emotionally on my own. But seeing her yesterday, looking so radiant on her day and feeling so optimistic about life in general (I have to write this abt her because she's been through a lot) I am so so so very happy for her and I wish with all might that if anything good should be bestowed upon anyone, I would wish for her to receive it.

I LOVE U KAKLONG.

Feminism

I have never seen myself as a romantic person.

The notion of being romantic does appeal to me but somehow I feel that my actions are far from it. So it came as a complete surprise when an acquaintance of mine told me that i'm exactly that. Naturally I feel every woman has this sense in them whether they exhibit it or not. Its through those simple things that we find so important but baffles the opposite sex.

I'm not talking about declaring "I Love you, I care for you, I miss you...." 10times a day! Now that seems like the next fatal-obsessive-compulsive-behaviour.

But guess what........ I'm confident enough in myself and I wouldnt care what others think of me coz either way I know if and when I utter those words, I really felt it and it wont come out looking like a superficial-bimbo who's trying too hard.

Expectations...

The thing about friends, good ones and close ones. Expectations. In any form of relationship, 'Expectation Kills'.

Not to have expectations is easier said than done. Its a hard thing to do, at least it is for me. However much you think you wouldnt want to burden your friends or lovers, in a way, we will still end up doing it - unintentionally of course!! Because the moment you are in a relationship there is no 1 but 2 separate entities trying to blend as 1. You can never be yourself totally in any way. Some form of change will have to take place whether we want it or not.

So do we form beliefs based on our experiences, or do we create experiences based on our beliefs?

I think, while experiences and expectations do influence each other - what we assume, expect or believe, colours and creates our experience.

Taye Diggs said, "The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other".

Do we love so unconditionally that we lose ourselves in our partner because we're so blinded by the feelings that overwhelmed us? Do we compensate that loss by expecting the other to mold their character and meet us halfway? or Do we wake up one day and suddenly realized its a place we dont want to be anymore because of the restrictions we put upon ourselves in the first place?

I read that the key to applying the Law of Expectations is to crate new expectations, based not on blind faith but on clear intention. It also says that what we expect tends to appear in our life because we set it in motion.

I wont kid myself.......... I do expect. However, I think All said and done, having realistic expectations is what we normally would do in hope of a better and grounding relationship.

I salute those who can do without.

Current Blissful Life.........

Heya Guys! Sorry for not updating the blogs more often. I have been travelling and getting some action lately........so cut this girl some slack, eh? Lol!!

Let me see, things have been great for me for some time now probably of the calm and peace I felt and create around myself. Well there has been some hiccups but can easily be mended.

Job front I'm still in a limbo due to the re-structuring but instead of worrying and fretting over it like I used to, I feel that as far as my work is concerned, things will come around sooner or later for me. So, I'm being quite cool about the whole thing - much to the dismay of other pesky busybodies. Maybe I'll let them do the nosying around for me and I'll just come prepared.........that would definitely throw them off!!! hahahaha

Personally I am doing OK amidst the bouts of loneliness that sometimes creep up without me noticing it. Again, I find myself taking it all in a stride. Should I be worried that I have no one to curl up to? No one to take care of? No one to shower my attention to? Surprisingly, the less obsessive I become on the matter of the heart, the better I am at handling it. Hmmmm........what an interesting revelation.

Family wise, everyone's doing OK. Still tugging at me to help out with everything as usual. Not that I mind, I suppose everyone else is going through the same motion when it comes to family members. They would always come first despite the bickering, yelling and loving going on.

Friends? Now there's where the turbulance come about. I may have to write a separate blog about it. Much has happened. So many things unanswered and uncertainty clouds certain individual's vision. I wish I could help. I dont like feeling helpless.

Read on for my next chapter on the above....................

31st DECEMBER 2007

The perfect birthday for a perfect closure........Ah.....I won't complain ever again!!

Early morning I was bombarded with tons of well wishes for my birthday and it continued the whole day till midnite for New Year wishes as well. So for once I can proudly say my mobile was hotline ringing and beeping non-stop. In a nutshell this was what happened throughout the day :-

9 am Breakfast served in bed by family with birthday gift

(without having to rinse my mouth)

10am Driven to Bangsar for brunch with very close friends for facial and massage
(free voucher)

1230pm Drop by the office to pick up flowers, teddy bear and chocolate given by office-mates

1 pm Lunch (paid by them) with DESSERT!!!

2 pm Moved to PD with close friends

3 pm Checked-in, ooooohh-ed & aahhh-ed at the room
(big room with the pool just 5-footsteps outside the door)

4 pm Cake-cutting, photo shoot and binging on snacks (served by them)

6 pm Moved to the beach

8 pm Got ready for dinner (paid by them again)

930pm Moved to Guoman for after dinner party

11 pm Got ready for New Year countdown

12 pm Cant remember after this time onwards (Due to Unforseen Circumstances)

The next morning with a hang-over went for breakfast and a little detour around the hotel. How awesome is it at 35 to be treated with acute plans by best friends that I've had over 12 years ago and still rocking together with good humour and big laughter thrown in?

Believe it Or Not..........I'm the luckiest girl on earth -:))

Wine Tasting

I have always been a fan of wine; particularlay Port.

Last night I had a chance to saviour my favourite pastime......sipping wine in a relaxing ambience. The liquid has got to always be Red, full bodied and at room temperature for me. Its just something sinful about it and the taste just goes down the throat the right way. However, last night the host wanted to try white. So we had the 2003 Margaret River Chardonnay.

I never get drunk but something about this white liquid that gives such a rush and a kick....Phew!! It was chilled, semi sweet and superbly rich. Not that I know much about wine in the first place but I never knew white could have such a thrilling after taste!

As much as colour brings out the fun in a person and taste in food, never underestimate

(and I'm not just talking about wine).

I must say, I have been guilty of that a lot lately and I've got re-evaluate the person I've become.

Kool & The Gang

Ah.......another perfect day. Other the usual routine that I live for I managed to finish up work on time and barrel out of the office in time for another day at the concert hall.

Man.........Kool and The Gang rocks!!!

Hazami was the opening act (surprisingly good vocal). Followed by 60min of serenades from James Ingram (he was awesome) and another 60min of good 'ol hard pumping 70s groove. I danced till my feet hurt and shouted till I can barely talk this morning. Heheheheh.......that was how good a time I had.

However, nothing beats the concert of the year - Black Eyed Peas.

P/s Wonder how 'My Chemical Romance' concert will turn out on the 9th of Dec. -:))

Fantastically Fabulous

Dear Diary

Today is one of those days that I had an almost perfect day. The day started with just the right note of perkiness and picture perfect. Breakfast was just fabulous. Work a natural flow. Friends all seem happy. Family's all well. Lunch was fantastic. Nothing went wrong and nothing major or out of the ordinary that made the heart ache happened.

I raise my hands to heavens and thank my lucky star.

P/s Dinner and hopefully the rest of the night.......... just superb -:))

Too Much Paradise...........

Who was it that said "Laughter is the best medicine"?
.......and its true.....A happy disposition increases our level of endorphis and lowers the production of stress hormones.

People with a happy nature are sunny and pleasant to be with.

Without it, life is dry. It is an infectious feeling that instantly lifts sagging spirits.
Happy people keep themselves happy because they know the little ways to appreciate themselves and to see the humour and magic in each moment.

A smile is an inexpensive way to improve our looks.

P/s I think thats what the split each corner of my mouth is created for ;)

Shout It!! Say It !! Love.....

Have you ever had the feel of gratification when you wake up in the morning and instantly know that you will have a wonderful day ahead of you?

I'm having a marvelous day :))

LIFE IS A BEAUTIFUL GIFT

A chat friend gave me an article to comment on - how Life will turn out differently/positively if each and everyone of us begins life having the knowlegde of what the end will turn out to be.

Well, Captain Jack............. this is what I came up with. For the rest of you, happy reading -:))

_____________________________________________________________________

If you are lucky in life, you will know from the get set what you want and what you don’t want in life. Having said that, not everyone is blessed with this gift.

I think knowing beforehand what life will throw at you is boring. Same goes with having dreams of what the ideal life is all about. One’s interpretation of succeeding in life differs from each individual. Collectively we all think ideally once you are comfortable in life you are on your way to success. In this era of science and technology, we can be creative and productive and at the same time not lose the humanness that we are all born with. Just material things or comfort alone do not make you comfortable.

Being motivated, having commitment and responsible throughout your life are all values which we should have with a conscious mind through proper awareness. (These cannot be taught or brought about through training). These positive traits will definitely hold competitive advantage to succeed. This no doubt will make our aim in life clearer.

The saying that life that equals a moving wheel holds a meaning. At one point you’re on top of the world but never forget that wheels turn. The ups and downs of life is inevitable just like change.

Some resist change for the mere fact that change demands effort and self- discipline especially when we are uncertain about the outcome or fear loss from change. We would much rather deal with the devil than know the uncertainty of transition. However, careful planning facilitates change. Combine that with Knowledge, Change can be a powerful tool.

Everyone needs to get a broad understanding about oneself and one’s priorities. Clarity in the mind makes things much easier.

Yes, Life is definitely easier if we have the end picture in mind, But as a realist I think that’s wishful thinking. Life without taking risks is dull; be it calculated or otherwise.

Life itself is a series of experiences. When u become tolerant in all adverse situations, you will continue to experience pleasures.

With that, life may be seen as a wonderful journey that is worth your while.

P/s Never regret and never go through life asking “What if”…………

Magical Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

It has been slightly over 2 months since I last wrote. It wasn’t so much as being busy but time seems to stand still somehow. However, I’m back and I feel calm and collected.

Ramadhan starts off tremendously for me. It has been 5 days and I’m getting stronger and healthier in a long time. Fasting has been a breeze so far and I hope will continue to be the same until the end of the 30 days.

Things at the office have not picked up its momentum when it comes to this particular month and I’m gearing all out for the weekdays to be filled with invitations for Iftar throughout the coming weekdays.

I have been talking more and more with Leo and that never fails to cheer me up constantly! Another funny and weird thing always happen too…..lots of new acquaintances, old ones popped back and not to mention the bonding of current ones became stronger than any other month of the year.

I do wonder whether the sacred holy month has a surprise for me in store -:))