Me, Myself and I

As our thoughts...........so is our attitude.

One rule that seems universally applicable is that there will always be some events over which we do not have a personal hold; but our attitude towards them is our own creating and, therefore, the right attitude lies in our own hands.

I feel its not so much the event itself, but the fact that I have no control over what has happened. I was told that i should take it as a fact of life. My attitude should be of acceptance of the fact that it has happened and I should try to find the remedy instead of feeling upset or shaken and losing the courage to face the challenge.

I think its far easier and more positive to avail myself of a chance to change

Than try to change my chances.

Let me sum it up nicely........When we're loved and cared for as an individual, we feel good. When that is taken away, there's pain and hurt. We need evidence of caring not so much for what we do but for who we are. We need to know that others care for us and value us; that we are appreciated for what we are.

I think learning about one-self is absolutely crucial. To unravel the mystery of the self and to be able to see all different facets of one's personality is a journey worth travelling.

Just for Tonite

Tonite

I'll hold you, lay you, kiss you

Taste you all the way down

Tonite

You dont have to be lonely

You need to only call me

I will be there

When your body gets weak

And you need some affection

I will lay you down

When your body is in need

And you need some attention

I will lay you down

Tonite

When I'm with you

I will lay down beside you

Then stay all night long

Tonite

I just want to please you

Tonite

There'll be no intermission

I have only one mission

.....and.....

that's turning you on

__________________________________________________________________

Last night

You were so into it

You told me secrets that you never told a soul

I was so nervous and yet oh so comfortable

As we explore the image of love

I drank your wine as you drank mine

I kissed your lips and I felt your mindless slip into my soul

I almost cried coz it was so beautiful

Last night, you were inside of me

Last night, while making love to you

I saw the sun, the moon, the mountains and the river

I saw heaven when you make sweet love to me

Forgive & Forget

Many say that they can forgive but they cannot forget. Sometimes, I assume what they are really saying is that they cannot forgive. Forgiveness should be like a note that we tear to pieces, toss into a rubbish bin and completely forget about. Not something even I could do at a drop of a hat but it does clear the conscience faster.

Situations should be considered like guests; they come and go.

Living in the past wipes out our chances of enjoying the present and gives no hope for the future.

Looking back I thot hard of myself.......Are there still feelings of disgust or hatred for one who has caused me pain? Do I benefit from such negative feelings ? Forgiving and forgetting are in my best interest. It removes the pain and burden in my heart and, thereby; frees others of their difficulties too.

HEARTBEAT

Today is the day I know I'm totally over pretending.
Its time to say goodbye for good.
I've known its over for some time but some shreds of my sanity is still hanging and hoping.

Like water dropping on to a hard piece of stone, sooner or later even the stone will be carved out. Little did I know, the stone is made out of 6 layers of concrete cement with no way of chipping it.

I've been living in denial..................I'm shaping up and shipping out :((

Weekly Updates....

Watched MU/Chelsea last nite - what a lukewarm match! Draw........that was that. Scratched, farted, ate, watched more TV, etc......

Couple of compliments from strangers, couple of mishaps at work and couple of late nights doing laundry......thats basically it for this week. I do hope the weekend will shed more highlights :))

Missing you.....

We utter the word many times in different forms, for different people that touched our lives, for specific reasons when we feel vulnerable for that particular person we long for.....but honestly do we really know how it feels at that moment when we say it?

For me, I must say the only time I feel I'm missing someone is when I know he's there but I cant see, touch, smell, talk and feel him. So near yet so far......Am I alone here?

LEO, thank you......

Thanks for the very entertaining call. I can always count on you. Was such a relief. Gone were my worries, my sleepiness, my concerns..... everytime I hear from you. The joy and warmth that emanated from you sweeps it away; even if its for a short while. Its the exact energy that I need at this late hour.

Smiles back on -:))

FLOW LIKE THE RIVER

In my search for a life partner and the ultimate happiness (if ever there is one), I stumble upon many incidents; good ones that I cherish and bad ones that I'd sooner forget. Along the way, met with many people that adds colour to what I term as 'my life experiences'.

I've been lied to, taken advantage of, shortchanged, etc.................Still when a less than favourable offer came up - I wanted to grab it...Be damn with consequences. I am gonna make it! I wasnt going to pass it up.

Life doesnt just happen and neither will it always work as we plan or want it BUT this time I will go with the flow. If its not meant to be, a time for me will come sooner or later.

ASST. PM

Leo.......

Finally!! Looks like Nairobi's good for you. Love hearing your jovial and funny self again. (Somehow, I have 'Izin ku Pergi' playing softly in the background). I think that song will forever be synonym with you now -:))

Happy for you..........

LIFE'S A CONSTANT DRAMA

Its been some time since I last wrote.

Sorry guys......just been tied up. Family, friends, work, outings....all mingling into one chaotic agenda on my plate now. Not that I'm complaining - far from it. I like the feel of being needed in 100 places at the same time. Its a nice kind of tiredness especially if I felt that because of my touch and input, everyone around me felt the impact and benefit from it.

Too make a long story short, the title is self-explanatory I think :-))

Wish you a good April !

A Good Weekend

Oh my god.........what an interesting weekend I had -:))

In short, was out on Friday, Saturday & Sunday. (Almost got pickup by both the younger and older generation too) Needed rest on Monday with migraine, punctured feet and backache!!!!

Will elaborate when I have more time. Keep reading.......... (......grinning.......)

PATIENCE PAYS

Patience is not so much about waiting as it is about how one behaves while waiting. I should take my own 'medicine' after reciting the above -:))

There I was at Malaysia's biggest travel fair and exhibition. This fair normally offers unbelievable deals that you just have to check them out even if you cant afford to travel yet. There were probably thousands of them at the World Travel Center that day. 30minutes after being pushed and bumped for the 30th time.......I finally got the map of all the exhibition booths and was able to make sense of where local and international exhibitions are located. Phew!!!

3 hours later and almost getting mad, I located a particular section of the best bargain section. There were probably 5 people waiting in line. 4 of them are young couples, talking and laughing while reading the tons of brochures that were probably picked up along the way but one particular person is a character by itself. Its an older version of Queen Latifah (dressed and talked like an over-the-hill wrestler woman) and she was pushing herself to the front of our line and not the slightest bit embarrased that she was making a scene. Parking herself exactly in between me and one couple she again pushed her luck and tried to bump us to the side; all these while asking questions loud enough for the attendant to be aware of her annoying questions about a trip. I can almost sense whats coming next........ she would bump me and the other couple to reach her final destination.

You have to understand, its been almost 4 hours that I'm there. My feet's aching, my heels are almost surely bursting, I'm thirsty and hungry and pretty sure my patience is sorely tested by now.

Still........I gave the benefit of the doubt and stepped aside. [thinking that maybe this older lady deserves to go first, maybe she's double parked and needed her medication soon or maybe, just maybe this is her last dying wish......to travel -:)) ]

Patience is a true virtue especially when you're tested to the limit. I decided to remain in control, kept my cool and be calm. In the process I learned to let go; not just with regards to the situation but more so to just let her be. I maintained my compassion and care.

I felt good about myself........

INNOCENT

Bumped into a long-lost friend at lunch time and was asked this question - "What other mischief have u been up to lately?"

If I count the wild party I had last Friday, the endless flirting and pumped up exercise from all the dancing.......not to mention the Futsal......Hehehehe...........I was a good girl, right? But just for the fun of it, I answered......."Why drink and drive, When u can smoke and fly?" That got a big huge grin on his face!!! Not a person to be outwitted, he went on......"Why fart and waste, When u can burp and taste".

That was fun........and I realized the friends who dont know me well will never be sure of what I'm capable of. But its good to know that I'm still the spitfire girl they remembered and could always count on. All in all, I think I'm not bad, not bad at all even at 34 -:))

Time Out.....Have a Break

Last night, I was high. (High on Juice) Had 4 tall glasses of mango juice and was pumped up - what a joke, eh? Went out with couple of colleagues. Yak, yak, yak for few hours, got into a rut of just reminiscing what had happened for the day. Chill out time is necessary for everyone. If our lives had gone monotonous and however much I repeat it all the time on how I like routines, I think I'm up for a change. Live for today.......Yahoo!!!!!

FUTSAL ANYONE??

Its almost end of Tuesday but I have to tell you about my weekend. Years and years of watching the EPL, Bundesliga, SerieA, etc. of professional football and I finally played FUTSAL. Damn!!! Wrong move........Even after three days I can still feel the ache when I'm walking, eating, sitting, lying (or attempt to) even shitting!! Phew........

The day started well enough. Bright sunny skies (not that it matters coz its an indoor court), everyone in a cheery mood, full of enthusiasm, laughter and good 'ol teasing going around. Looks like we're on the way to a good game. The court was originally booked for 2 hours but since none of us wanted to push our beginner's luck we cut it back to 60min. only. Boy oh Boy......even that timing was shot!! We played for 10minutes and rested for 10minutes and this went on for the next hour. After couple of hard hit free fall (with grace, mind u!) we were ready to throw in the towel after the second break!! What a bunch of losers we were................ -:))

In good faith, we played fair (all 30min of it). Screamed our hearts out, laughed full belly, teased and cajoled each other on the court and it was the best time ever that I've had with my friends.

P/s LEO, u should've been here.

YOGA

I love to meditate. Nothing clears away a stressful day than a good meditation. The graceful flow and deep breathing would cure almost anything. The techniques, the posture, the act of stopping all flow of thoughts to clamour your living brains seems pretty harmless. Furthermore, the soothing music that accompanies these sessions is good for the soul.

Out the blue, a friend invited me to go to the gym. Instead of sweating myself on the common treadmills that are full with over-popping testesterone, I joined a yoga class. Little did I know by the end of the class, it would make all my joints become jelly! [BTW, if you're on the heavy side and have skeletons bigger than your closet, be mindful of getting over excited of yoga]

• Obvious start is the breathing..........in and out......in and out, inhale/exhale.....inhale/exhale. (I thought to myself....this is not bad). Trying to understand what the foreign instructor was trying to explain with tons of 'yoga jargon' has started me crunching my face (not a good practice of yoga, I was told).

• 15minutes into the session we got to the 'bending' position. So there I was trying to hold my tummy in, extending my hands forward and slooooowwwlllly bending, bending and more bending!! Dear God.......i didnt know I had that much space to bend forward to get the perfect posture. Then.........the unimaginable thing happen. "Proooottt".......i think somebody in front of me farted -:)) [imagine you in the class and trying to keep a straight face now].

• Half an hour later, we were told to sit on the mat and did all kinds of stretching, twisting and funny movements that I can only dream of!!!! How much bendy can a person be?!! As the minutes ticked by with me huffing and puffing trying hard to be a passable student, it finally ticked to an end.

• Obvious to any exercise the cooling session is what everyone look forward to (at least for me). And apparently for yoga, the music plays an integral part. I'm still on the mat-my back flat, my feet in the air and of course going through the right ways of breathing.........in the last 10minutes, we were told to hold the 'relaxed pose' and to just close our eyes, breathe-breathe- breathe.......and relax-relax-relax.

• Ahhhhhhh............with the air-cond full blast and soothing music that seems to lull, I literally faded away. Next thing I know the lights were off, the room was empty and the cleaner is waking me up and shooing me off so that he can close the gym.

Next to sex, I cant think of anything else thats so satisfying and relaxing at the same time -:))

HOT

David Beckham asked... "What do u see when u see the colour Red?"

I Looooveeee The Colour Red. To me Red embodies bold, assertiveness and courage.
In fact, I'm wearing Red today. From the flower in my hair to the tip of my chilly red shoes.
My energy is synchronized to Red. I feel brazen today.
(This could mean, I'll be up to something foolish and reckless..........Hehehhehehe)

There's just something sinful about Red too. The mind automatically thinks of lust, virility, passion and sensuality. On the other hand, it could also mean violent, bloody, resentment, enraged or hostility. But who in their right mind would succumb to it without being aggravated?

So lets think of Red roses full of vitality and sweet Merlot.

I'm raring to go.

BRAND NEW DAY

Its been sometime since I last went out and did something childish and had fun! Nothing major though......out cycling -:)) I've forgotten how free I felt, the wind in my face, the fresh air, the smell of newly cut grass, the flow of thoughts as clear as a newborn day.

I used to go crazy with dancing, that was when the creaking knees and swaying hips werent complaining....... Hahahah! I still enjoy it but that activity has slowed over the years as the age keeps adding up. I remember the total abandonment I felt when I let myself loose in the few things that I enjoy doing without thinking. The rush feeling, flushing face when listening to the thumping of music and just swaying to the rhythm.........racing heartbeats with contentment of simple joys.

Next on the agenda :- Futsal, Shooting Range, Go-Kart, etc.

THOTS OF THE WEEK

We often form relationships based on unreal expectations of another person. When that person shows some kind of weakness, we feel as though they have betrayed us by not being what we expect them to be. We hope to find someone with all the answers, someone we can rely on and take strength from, so we endow them with qualities they do not have. The worse is when we are disappointed with our own illusions when they let us down.

COMMUNICATIONS 101

The more I think the more I feel that communication is the foundation of society and culture. For instance, our very world is shaped by words we express and images we create. An essential but all too often forgotten skill in communicating is that of listening. Definitely we all have something to say. Sometimes we forget that others also have feelings and things to share. Sometimes having the ability to emphatize goes a long way. If my feelings are in tune with another, then I believe the words that will flow and communicated will be powerful and enjoyable.

The art of concealing and revealing; at the right time, right place and to the right people is crucial. Messages need to be authentic and then we could feel that our presence is wanted and welcomed. It is necessary to match our feelings with our words BUT to think before we speak, would add weight to our words.

I realized that there are times when I need to be silent and tolerate others. One who is tolerant understands that listening is frequently more important than talking. Tolerance is building bridges, it doesnt bear grudges but understands that life is a continuous process of making mistakes and learning from them. Tolerance is a virtue and a fruit of wisdom. I firmly believe that all have the basic right to enjoy our own culture, tradition or religion. If we are self-righteous and think that our own culture and religion are the best and that the beliefs of others are unimportant, then we develop narrow-mindedness, intolerance, resulting in conflicts of various sorts.