LIFE IS A BEAUTIFUL GIFT

A chat friend gave me an article to comment on - how Life will turn out differently/positively if each and everyone of us begins life having the knowlegde of what the end will turn out to be.

Well, Captain Jack............. this is what I came up with. For the rest of you, happy reading -:))

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If you are lucky in life, you will know from the get set what you want and what you don’t want in life. Having said that, not everyone is blessed with this gift.

I think knowing beforehand what life will throw at you is boring. Same goes with having dreams of what the ideal life is all about. One’s interpretation of succeeding in life differs from each individual. Collectively we all think ideally once you are comfortable in life you are on your way to success. In this era of science and technology, we can be creative and productive and at the same time not lose the humanness that we are all born with. Just material things or comfort alone do not make you comfortable.

Being motivated, having commitment and responsible throughout your life are all values which we should have with a conscious mind through proper awareness. (These cannot be taught or brought about through training). These positive traits will definitely hold competitive advantage to succeed. This no doubt will make our aim in life clearer.

The saying that life that equals a moving wheel holds a meaning. At one point you’re on top of the world but never forget that wheels turn. The ups and downs of life is inevitable just like change.

Some resist change for the mere fact that change demands effort and self- discipline especially when we are uncertain about the outcome or fear loss from change. We would much rather deal with the devil than know the uncertainty of transition. However, careful planning facilitates change. Combine that with Knowledge, Change can be a powerful tool.

Everyone needs to get a broad understanding about oneself and one’s priorities. Clarity in the mind makes things much easier.

Yes, Life is definitely easier if we have the end picture in mind, But as a realist I think that’s wishful thinking. Life without taking risks is dull; be it calculated or otherwise.

Life itself is a series of experiences. When u become tolerant in all adverse situations, you will continue to experience pleasures.

With that, life may be seen as a wonderful journey that is worth your while.

P/s Never regret and never go through life asking “What if”…………

Magical Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

It has been slightly over 2 months since I last wrote. It wasn’t so much as being busy but time seems to stand still somehow. However, I’m back and I feel calm and collected.

Ramadhan starts off tremendously for me. It has been 5 days and I’m getting stronger and healthier in a long time. Fasting has been a breeze so far and I hope will continue to be the same until the end of the 30 days.

Things at the office have not picked up its momentum when it comes to this particular month and I’m gearing all out for the weekdays to be filled with invitations for Iftar throughout the coming weekdays.

I have been talking more and more with Leo and that never fails to cheer me up constantly! Another funny and weird thing always happen too…..lots of new acquaintances, old ones popped back and not to mention the bonding of current ones became stronger than any other month of the year.

I do wonder whether the sacred holy month has a surprise for me in store -:))

Its a Lonely World......being FAT

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always been chubby….growing proportionately to fat and tipped the scale over 100kg by adulthood. I consciously did this to myself over a period of time. Guilty as charged and if I’m really honest with myself I know why I did it……(it goes back as young as when I’m 4-5 years old)

Coming back to reality, life hasn’t been rosy.

For earlier part of my life, I watched it unfolds in misery and I keep beating myself over it. I keep blaming everyone and everything around me, the unfairness and unjust and simply being a sore. My confidence and self-esteem is close to non-existent and by the time I start work, it suffered even more without any qualification.

Living in denial, I bulldozed through; keeping busy, being indispensable to all those around me. Feeling needed by others gives me a certain high. It accomplished a niche’ and satisfy the grueling contentment of being wanted. I seek acceptance through the worst possible way.

Over the years, I’ve managed to gain confidence, miraculously if I may add; despite being a loner and always shutting others who got too close for comfort.

A late bloomer for obvious reasons, I go through series of rejections and in the process of finding myself amidst the confusion, I made some unwise decisions. Again, I fall back on the same old circle of feeling worthless. I wonder why when I’m having the time of my life, the axe will surely come down and uncertainty clouds the moment. Not that I’ve had a sure footing in it but somehow its always like thunderstorm……that’s how I can describe my relationships.

Recently, I find myself at a crossroad in my life. Personally and physically, I’m a mess of a human being. I took a good look of my soul. I was caught in a moment………I feel I’m waiting on the edge but I’m not quite sure of what. I know I’m spiraling out of control, pass the state of mind. I let myself slip for far too long.

Perversely, I didn’t hate myself. However, if I don’t love myself, who in their right mind would?

Fast forward to present time, a change in mindset sets me off to a whole new direction. No more shadows, no more self-doubt, no more blames, no more guilty trips, no more feeling sorry for my pathetic self.

Step by step, I’m losing it bit by bit, slowly but surely. Its an upscale battle and an on-going process. I understand now losing weight is not just about waiting for the numbers to drop and feeling scared of not being wanted or accepted. It’s a change of lifestyle. Its about losing inhibitions. Its all about gaining confidence and loving & having faith in yourself.

Life isnt a bed of roses as yet but fat or thin, I matter.

Short-Lived

July greeted me with sombre news......

As I was beginning to celebrate life to its full potential, someone's papa was struck a blow with stroke. I feel for that person much more than I should and can feel the pain and thought of losing a loved one. I know only too well losing someone I love.

There's just something magical about fathers that I cant quite explain especially if you're close to one parent. For me its a feeling of security, someone to look up to, a rock that held me grounded.

I want to reach out to that person but fear rejection.

All said and done, being supportive when you dont know where you stand in the first place is an unfamiliar territory. Letting go is not about giving up but rather about opening up opportunities for the self. The cliche is - If you love someone, let him go. If he comes back, he is yours forever. If not, he was never yours to begin with.

In our quest to find the true meaning, we sometimes forget the answers lies within ourselves.

Chicken Pie

Sweetheart, you rock my world -:))

P/s Public displays of affection - perfect.

May be.....

Life is a mystery. Some say its a game, to some its a battlefield and to others a journey. Whatever one may call it, there is a way to enjoy it.

If anyone were to ask me, my secret of finding deep fulfillment lies in serving others. I believe giving is receiving. I think there is appreciation in learning to give joy and love. A smile, a caring word, showing attention, love and concern can go a long way. So, I'll just keep on giving and MAY BE.....if given a chance something positive may come my way.

It takes so little to show that I care yet it can mean so much.

Romantic 'Fool'

Wake up! Smell the roses, the air seem fresher and the sun seems to be shining brighter.........Ah.....the feel good things that only a romantic fool like me would be able to see and grasp its meaning -:))

Most people seek and whine for romance their entire life but somehow when its presented to them; the pessimist wouldn't know how to react and would perhaps just laugh things off as they're not exactly sure how to handle it. It excites, it feels warm and just down right unreal that it feels silly when romance finally hits home.

I look forward to it and pray to God that I wont mess up when it hits me between the eyes !!

Grinning all day Long

How is it possible to be totally carefree and happy? Hmmmm........that's exactly what I'm feeling today. From the moment I woke up things have been going well. Lunch time was just superb........'san francisco coffee' never tasted as good as today -:)), etc. etc. etc.

Lucky me, I'm just gonna count my blessing and ride the feeling all day.....[...grin....]

Feel Good

I am not a morning person by nature. That doesnt necessarily make me an ogre either. I'd like to think that I'm semi-human until I get my usual dose of caffeine. But when I self-reflect, I noticed that I always manage to laugh even before I'm out the door everyday either by my own antics or those around me.

As if to seal my own beliefs, I was complimented at breakfast how good I look today. I ended up having a good long breakfast with my colleagues; few good belly laughs thrown in till I peed in my pants!! LOL............

Reflecting on the things I care about most gives me a glimpse of my innate goodness. When my inner landscape is full of beautiful thoughts, everything I do is a pleasure.

Me, Myself and I

As our thoughts...........so is our attitude.

One rule that seems universally applicable is that there will always be some events over which we do not have a personal hold; but our attitude towards them is our own creating and, therefore, the right attitude lies in our own hands.

I feel its not so much the event itself, but the fact that I have no control over what has happened. I was told that i should take it as a fact of life. My attitude should be of acceptance of the fact that it has happened and I should try to find the remedy instead of feeling upset or shaken and losing the courage to face the challenge.

I think its far easier and more positive to avail myself of a chance to change

Than try to change my chances.

Let me sum it up nicely........When we're loved and cared for as an individual, we feel good. When that is taken away, there's pain and hurt. We need evidence of caring not so much for what we do but for who we are. We need to know that others care for us and value us; that we are appreciated for what we are.

I think learning about one-self is absolutely crucial. To unravel the mystery of the self and to be able to see all different facets of one's personality is a journey worth travelling.

Just for Tonite

Tonite

I'll hold you, lay you, kiss you

Taste you all the way down

Tonite

You dont have to be lonely

You need to only call me

I will be there

When your body gets weak

And you need some affection

I will lay you down

When your body is in need

And you need some attention

I will lay you down

Tonite

When I'm with you

I will lay down beside you

Then stay all night long

Tonite

I just want to please you

Tonite

There'll be no intermission

I have only one mission

.....and.....

that's turning you on

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Last night

You were so into it

You told me secrets that you never told a soul

I was so nervous and yet oh so comfortable

As we explore the image of love

I drank your wine as you drank mine

I kissed your lips and I felt your mindless slip into my soul

I almost cried coz it was so beautiful

Last night, you were inside of me

Last night, while making love to you

I saw the sun, the moon, the mountains and the river

I saw heaven when you make sweet love to me

Forgive & Forget

Many say that they can forgive but they cannot forget. Sometimes, I assume what they are really saying is that they cannot forgive. Forgiveness should be like a note that we tear to pieces, toss into a rubbish bin and completely forget about. Not something even I could do at a drop of a hat but it does clear the conscience faster.

Situations should be considered like guests; they come and go.

Living in the past wipes out our chances of enjoying the present and gives no hope for the future.

Looking back I thot hard of myself.......Are there still feelings of disgust or hatred for one who has caused me pain? Do I benefit from such negative feelings ? Forgiving and forgetting are in my best interest. It removes the pain and burden in my heart and, thereby; frees others of their difficulties too.

HEARTBEAT

Today is the day I know I'm totally over pretending.
Its time to say goodbye for good.
I've known its over for some time but some shreds of my sanity is still hanging and hoping.

Like water dropping on to a hard piece of stone, sooner or later even the stone will be carved out. Little did I know, the stone is made out of 6 layers of concrete cement with no way of chipping it.

I've been living in denial..................I'm shaping up and shipping out :((

Weekly Updates....

Watched MU/Chelsea last nite - what a lukewarm match! Draw........that was that. Scratched, farted, ate, watched more TV, etc......

Couple of compliments from strangers, couple of mishaps at work and couple of late nights doing laundry......thats basically it for this week. I do hope the weekend will shed more highlights :))

Missing you.....

We utter the word many times in different forms, for different people that touched our lives, for specific reasons when we feel vulnerable for that particular person we long for.....but honestly do we really know how it feels at that moment when we say it?

For me, I must say the only time I feel I'm missing someone is when I know he's there but I cant see, touch, smell, talk and feel him. So near yet so far......Am I alone here?

LEO, thank you......

Thanks for the very entertaining call. I can always count on you. Was such a relief. Gone were my worries, my sleepiness, my concerns..... everytime I hear from you. The joy and warmth that emanated from you sweeps it away; even if its for a short while. Its the exact energy that I need at this late hour.

Smiles back on -:))

FLOW LIKE THE RIVER

In my search for a life partner and the ultimate happiness (if ever there is one), I stumble upon many incidents; good ones that I cherish and bad ones that I'd sooner forget. Along the way, met with many people that adds colour to what I term as 'my life experiences'.

I've been lied to, taken advantage of, shortchanged, etc.................Still when a less than favourable offer came up - I wanted to grab it...Be damn with consequences. I am gonna make it! I wasnt going to pass it up.

Life doesnt just happen and neither will it always work as we plan or want it BUT this time I will go with the flow. If its not meant to be, a time for me will come sooner or later.

ASST. PM

Leo.......

Finally!! Looks like Nairobi's good for you. Love hearing your jovial and funny self again. (Somehow, I have 'Izin ku Pergi' playing softly in the background). I think that song will forever be synonym with you now -:))

Happy for you..........

LIFE'S A CONSTANT DRAMA

Its been some time since I last wrote.

Sorry guys......just been tied up. Family, friends, work, outings....all mingling into one chaotic agenda on my plate now. Not that I'm complaining - far from it. I like the feel of being needed in 100 places at the same time. Its a nice kind of tiredness especially if I felt that because of my touch and input, everyone around me felt the impact and benefit from it.

Too make a long story short, the title is self-explanatory I think :-))

Wish you a good April !

A Good Weekend

Oh my god.........what an interesting weekend I had -:))

In short, was out on Friday, Saturday & Sunday. (Almost got pickup by both the younger and older generation too) Needed rest on Monday with migraine, punctured feet and backache!!!!

Will elaborate when I have more time. Keep reading.......... (......grinning.......)