Apology

The most bizarre thing happened to me last night.

Someone from my past came over for a visit and started to apologize to me for all the wrongdoings he had done and ask for forgiveness.

As I sat there blinking and acted stupid for a couple of minutes, my mind raced to find what actually went wrong. I was so dumbstruck for so long that for awhile this person thought I've gone mad.

The irony was that I didnt even know we had any misunderstandings all these years although I did wonder why the friendship was cut short.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I didnt realize my own mistakes, I have always had the assumption that I didnt go out there taking my friends for granted but I've been an open book without the intention to hurt anyone.

I ended up apologizing as well as I didnt realize I had hurt the person by being aloof, careless and unintentionally let go of something that would've made me very happy now.


I doubt any of you reading this would understand my babbling............

What's in the Past....should stay in the Past.

I'm not sure why but when I think back of my old-flames - good and funny memories comes first and foremost. I think thats quite a good outlook for my life, eh? I've had my share of hurting, badly I must say. However, the first thing that pops into my brain when I think of them are the good times and all the horrible BUT fun things we did together as a couple.

Obviously the reason I'm writing about this is because one of them called the other day and I was civil enough and wanted to know how I was doing. Well I can be honest here..........he wanted to pursue me back again BUT with all kinds regulations because he's been hurt. (Did I mention he was the one who dumped me to marry another?)

With a smile on my face, I was calm when I said thanks but no thanks. But if he need a friend, he has my number.

A day of Cooking

I SUCK at cooking!!!!

Yesterday was my day in the kitchen. Right after work......... I jumped right in. And immediately the headache accompanied as well. Suffice to say, my whole family also thinks the day I'm supposed to cook is their nightmare as well. (Mainly coz I will force them to eat my hideous tasting cooking). Somehow even after years of this torture my mum still insists that I cook. She thinks she'll be able to 'correct' this deform of mine by being persistent.

I love nasi campur so my menu was kerang masak lemak, ikan asam pedas, bayam goreng and telur asin. Rich and yet so satisfying.........Surprisingly it turned out well, I didnt burn the kitchen down, minor accident with the knife AND my rice turned out perfect! Fabulous -:))

Why is it So Difficult to Remain Casual Friends with the Opposite Sex

I have a generous number of friends.

Platonically, I've always been closer to my female counterparts. I have only 1 good buddy who is of the masculine sex and its truly fully platonic with no sexual connotation whatsoever. I must admit, its easier to be close to men than it is with women. I'm not sure why or is it just me .


Male friends are also easier maintained. But I must say, it will always lead down the same way......however good or close of a friend we are........it will somehow lead to some sort of a sexual nature if only one loses grip.

I dont know, given the option I do prefer to be around my male acquaintance but I cannot handle the sexual tension that naturally comes when expectations and feelings are entertwined.

Unease

I have been having an uneasy feelings for the last couple of days but I just cant quite figure out what it was. My sleep has also been sound - without any dreams, which to me is quite bizarre because my mind and soul wanders and I would normally have dreams. So the combination of those two are not normal for me. I do feel something is about to happen; be it good or bad. I'm just not sure.

Could it be because I miss my sister who moved away from home? Could it be that my non-relationship state is beginning to sit well with me? Could it be that I will have 2 upcoming trips around my country that is supposed to be work-cum-fun? Could it be that my work seems to be on a neutral ground with a marvelous boss around?

I just dont know but the unease continues.......................

Poo-Poo

Aku sakit perut today...........................

Semalam terkinja-kinja melantak
Japanese food. Stuffed with all kinds of
delicacies.......semua segala yang fresh
dan yang tak masak mcm sashimi ni......


The only saviour is Teppanyaki & Tempura.

Dont get me wrong.........I LOVE JAPANESE FOOD!!!!! But after so many Oysters, Escargot, etc.
can you blame my stomach for complaining?



Lepas tu..........sempat plak pi teh tarik.

Sampai pulak rumah, Jeng....Jeng...Jeng....the most wonderful durian is right there on the table!!! Oh my god........how can i NOT sample some? That's pure sin.


TODAY......I've been visiting the toilet for the umpteenth times. Urgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its Hard to Breathe

If I lose consciousness before I can get a chance to tell you how much I care for you, Please remember me in your prayers.

I felt a deep attraction for someone and any way I look at it, its wrong.
I know I cant do anything about it because its forbidden.
So all I'm gonna do is keep my feelings to myself,
And move on...................

SEXY.....anyone?

What would you consider sexy?

A beautiful face?
A curvaceous, hot body?
Lots of money and material based?

....or Fantastic Personality?

Most of us (I think) have evolve throughout time and no longer hold on to everything that E! Channel & beauty magazine sells nowadays.

Most of us have come above all that superficial stereotyping and would like to think that we are beyond that.

Most of us are just human..............

If there is a person who seem to have it all - beauty, intelligence, proportionate body and good genes in addition to a fabulous personality & educated on top of it, wouldnt that be the 'dream woman' for all?

Somehow that doesnt seem to be enough for some men and I take it literally because the 'excitement' is long gone after all the above has been exhausted. So what chance do mortals like us have without all of the above?

Having said all said, I dont know about you all, but for me CONFIDENCE is SEXY !!!

In addition to self-esteem and loving myself and the most beautiful thing about it is that no one can take that away from me -:))

Kick-back & Relax

I was bored and end up at Plaza Damas recently.
End up at Plaza Damas at
the Pancake Hse and damn....the food there is delish!!! Just fabulous. Nice display as what you can see and a new way to enjoy your pancakes.....I would recommend anyone who's into something savoury to pay a visit. Situated at the laid-back Plaza Damas, its a quiet

place. Thoroughly enjoyed myself. Thought of LEO and all the food that he enjoys there -:))............I pun dpt gak! Well, this is the good life that I'm enjoying right now. No complains........
so far. Hahahaha.

Something to Think About

Yesterday I read an article about self-revelations after deciding on a wrong choice. One of the sentence in the closing struck me as something which each and everyone of us should reflect on. It said...... "I never regret but I take it as lesson learned".

How many of us could really say that and mean it? Wouldnt it be less stressful if everytime we made bad choices we could take a moment, admit our own fault and move on. Breathe and be more conscience of our actions so that we dont go through the same wrong path.

Instead, sometimes when we realized we're in deep shit, we like to over-analyse the matter to death and still come up with excuses to blame everyone and everything around us.

Having said that, I'm still in the process of loving myself enough to know when to stop, take a moment, be concious of my surrounding and the choices I made and be accountable for it.

Trip to Penang - Part III

Isnt's she cute? Sepanjang masa di Penang asyik membuta!! Ni lah intan payung my parents that will finally fly away from home to work up north. All of us have mixed feelings about it but I thought this is a good time as any for her to really grow up. I love you Jules. Jgn mare......

We checked out the house that was rented

for her by the Company and it looked OK. I thing all of uf got more excited about it than she did! Hehehheeh.........berangan pulak nak tinggal situ. My only concern is the kilang papan sebelah rumah tu which is infested with Banglas and Nepalis. I sure hope she's OK later.

The last pic showed her office locations which left a dry taste in our mouths because its so far off from the main road and looks exactly like what it stands for. Construction...........with all the happenings of stale bread. Ummph!!! Good luck lah Jules.

What can I say eh.........my worry for her will never stop wherever she is in the world, I think. Its time to let go...................

Trip to Penang - Part II

The second day, we were still cruising around at Penang Island when I come across this mamak roti and I chased him for more than 2 minutes because I was salivating for the only type of bread that can only be found at these type of vendor. I'm sure I gave the mamak a heart-stopper for looking like a lunatic then. But......u havent tried the bread/butter/kaya, so dont comment!

The following pic is my mom enjoying bawal goreng yang ter-best in the world!!

Air botol ni lah yang dicari-cari, baru berjumpa........mcm jejak kasih -:))

Tengok lah betapa panas terik nya, tetapi oleh sebab si-bawal tu paksa juga diri duduk amongst the
kelapa sawit plantation. Btw, that's my sis

(which I will tell a story in Part III) and my dad at the back, wiping their perspiration.

Mee-rebus is another must of mine

to have........siap ngan sotong lagi tu. Tapi yang mahal tu.........kuku pun siap posing. Hahahaha...........

Having had all that, we retired for the day and was so relieved when no one had constipation with the amount food we gorged!

Trip Back to Penang - Part I

I should have updated this abt 10days ago but been tied up......as usual. BUT, I promise you this time you will feast your eyes with a colourful pics and stories. YAY!!! Cukup2 lah cerita sedih buat tahun ni kan.

I made the trip up north on Labour Day, 1st May to take advantage of the long hols. On the way tu teringat lah pulak citer Leo abt the best pau on the northern part and stopped at T.Malim. Memang giler sedap!!! Pau kacang dia to die for. I can attest to that and confirm. One-third into the journey, we reached Teluk Intan and on the spur-of-the-moment, I asked Dad to swing and stop by. I paid my respect's to Noormi. Doubt it helps but its for me.

The trip was worth-it and full of mishaps and revelations but it was good for the whole family. We checked into Gurney Resort and this is how the view looks like from the window. Awesome, eh? BTW, if I had the money, I would buy the house just next to it and spend time by the beach all day!

Having said all that we made ourselves buzy and going around town and spending time with the family has never been more wonderful. With all the fabulous food around, I'm surprised by how much we enjoyed ourselves. But then again, Penang has always been the greastest get-away place for me.

Warkah Buat Noormi

The song kept repeating itself in my head...............

Melancholy swept over me in a rush and the old repressed feelings of loss pushed upwards and tear pooled in my eyes and dropped slowly down my barren face......I havent thought of you for so long. I havent cried for so long.

Each time I pressed the replay button, memories of us came back like it was just yesterday. We were laughing, we were eating, we were out at work, we were hanging out, we were at the hospital....................I was standing there alone at your grave.

It used to anger me ................. Now, I just wish I could recall back your face and have at least one more minute to talk to you and be in your presence. I want to tell you about Lyn, EL, Leo, Bad, Ezam, Zizie, Anita. I want to hear you say everything will work out OK.

Sometimes the pain is so real, I just dont know what to grasp to ease it.

Sometimes I just want to be told that I will find someone who could fill your gap.

I am surrounded by so many others but at times I feel so alone that sometimes I feel as if I can feel you looking over me and rasa hati so tipis. I just miss you so much. I keep looking over my shoulder and wishing I can get a glimpse of you somewhere, anywhere. I'm totally lost without you. Rasa perit sesangat. ............No one could fill your shoes, until today.

I drop down on my knees, sobbing uncontrollaby, asking, praying for just one more glance in your presence...........I just want you back even for one minute.

Ya Allah........I just cant stop playing the song. God help me.

I do love you so, Noormi.

Do U Play?

I came across this book by Robin Sharma and was so taken by one of his chapter and I'd like to share it with you guys and invite you to ponder your life.

When you ask a child what he'll do today"? The reply comes in one big word : "PLAY". Perfect Answer!!

I reflected on the importance of play. How often do you ask an adult "What do you plan on doing today?" and get the response "PLAY"..........may be that's why our world is broken.

What would your life look like if there was more play? What would your experience of work be like if you had more fun doing your job, no matter what job you do? What would your relationships look like with more spontaneity, laughter, festivity and youthful - no, wild - abdandon? As adults, we stop playing once we assume the responsibilities of life. Adults are nothing more than deteriorated children.

Why? It doesnt have to be that way. Make the time to play. Find the time to be a little reckless and silly. Be imaginative at work and bring curiosity back to your days. Get back to that sense of wonder you knew when life was all about make-believe, riding yor bike and enjoying every second of this journey called living.

And the next time someone looks at you, with your power suits and serious face - and asks what you plan on doing today, I invite you to confidently give the only reply that matters : "I'm going out to play".

Weekends!

Really.........the picture has got nothing to do with what I'm about to write BUT.......look at the massive size of it!!

Lazy weekends should be spent indoor. At least thats what I would like to do. The best is to wake up late, have brunch, catch up on some reading AND DO NOTHING for the rest of the day.

Ah.......heaven nya.....Of course thats not what happen on every single weekend I had. Hahahahha! In short :-

Friday night : Had to take Julie out for dinner and shopping.
Friday night : Got a call and met up with Marc for a drink and end up partying till my feet hurt
Friday night : Went across town just because they wanted the exact roti canai & teh tarik in that particular place;
Friday night : ..........Am I still talking abt friday night that never seem to end...............

Saturday : Early morning was rudely awaken by this meowing of a cat that appears out of nowhere.
Saturday : Went marketing at an ungodly hour on 7am and was dragged all over and end up smelling like

the cat I fed this morning ..............urgh!!!!

Saturday : Had to do spring cleaning and another cat showed up........am I the cat lady now?

Saturday : Went all the way to Subang to do groceries shopping because mummy wants to get the stuff

from this particular cat shop........(i know i'm babbling now)

Saturday : On the way back from Subang, a CAT stopped in the middle of the road. Forced us to stop.
Saturday : My old friend KAT called........asking to go out in the middle of the night

(Husband problem - geeee go figure)

Sunday : Now you would think it would be my day...........WRONG!!
(I'm too tired to tell the density and complexity that came with Sunday).

Happy reading

http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/FromCasualToCommitted

Now if I can do exactly as per the piece above says,

I'd be in seventh heaven! -:))

Raining Gifts

I am truly blessed.......on top of the lunches, dinners and shows that I had been invited to this week I seem to be receiving gifts left and right. This one was given to me on a spur of the moment by my boss. Nice eh? Its from Mikimoto and has a small but elegant pearl at the top. Nice.

Little to my surprise, before end of the day I got another package with a Cerruti 1881 pen, a cute little bear and a lollipop! Cute one, Harry! Wish I had taken the pic. before I tore open the package.

Updates.....

I havent been updating my blogs lately. Let me see.......

March - Vacation at Krabi (the best this year)
- Reported for duty (expatriate boss)
- More birthdays celebrations
April - Celine Dion concert (superb sounds)
- More farewell parties
- Lots of gifts for my 'week'

Lots more things and outings that happened but wasnt captured soon enough that I forget of what I did these 2 months. One things for sure, I had fun with those closest to me and ones that matter.

Nothing so significant that I want to write about actually.

One of the things I know is that I miss Leo as I talk more and more to him lately. I do wish he'd be here most of the time to cheer and lift up my spirits when things got to be too much. I guess that makes a lot of wishes for Leo to be back in the country. Hehehehehe..........

Facts of Life

Relationship is surely the mirror in which you discover yourself.

Understanding others' challenges, struggles and abilities can help us appreciate and understand our own. Often we project our issues onto the mirror of our partner.

No system, however can reach into a couple's private inner sanctuary; only they can know and appreciate the internal dynamics of their relationship; only they can experience the difficulties and the lessons. The innermost thoughts, feelings and struggles of others are theirs alone to see and theirs to work out in their own way.

As we come to appreciate the dynamics of our relationship we turn it into a powerful means of insight, awareness and personal growth. Relationships serve mutual needs. In the positive the bring joy; in the negative they bring lessons that cant be ignored for long.

In the end, I think compassion & deeper emphatic bond will result in increased good-will, mutual support, loving demands, good humour and improved communication; just to name a few of what relationship tends to be.

All human life has its seasons and cycles, and no one's personal chaos can be permanent. It seems essential, in relationships that we concentrate only on what is most significant and important.