Yesterday was bittersweet. Wedding of the year was finally over! All the hardwork paid off and received the recognition that was given. It was surprising and pleasantly accepted. Not that it matter to anyone else but it made a whole lot of difference to me personally.
Despite all that, two things still bothered me. The fakeness around me and the ignorance of one particular person. I wasnt sure if i needed the 'inclusivity' or just plain help and being there for me. Indirectly expectations took over and again i wonder if he would treat me any different in public. Being around in the same circle shouldnt complicate matters but i guess i was wrong on so many levels. Again, perhaps my judgement was way off. I've covered the part of being embarrased around me, i've also covered the stigma of spending too much time with me. Why then does it sucks to be ignored despite all the other attention that i received last night? Why does it feel like something's missing? Why should it matter so much that i didnt get a glimpse of time nor farewell when the whole thing finishes? I have no clue right now.........
I suppose everything stays the same, until the moment that it changes. This causes me to develop a distorted idea about the pace at which life evolves. I think certain situations will never alter. I look around and see clear signs of permanence. Yet in the blink of an eye, it can all be so very different. It's just that the eye in question may blink a thousand times - or a million times, before that occurs. Or it could happen in the very next blink.
I'm ready to let it go and let the next phase of this 'friendship' flow. No more expectations, no more special attention, no more hurt will come unto me when something goes wrong. From this moment on, lets just be like any other friends. When time and care permits we put in the effort but when it clashes, i could just say NO and be OK with it. Lets see how this goes,
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