...not sure what to title this...........

The funny thing about expectations is that it creeps up on you when u least expect it. Again........expectations. Why do we do this to ourselves? Maybe its because we think we are holy-er than thou?

Without realizing it, we tend to be annoyed or irritated when someone doesn't conform to our way or think the way we do or give back as much as we're giving? What made us even think that our way is the right way? God forbid if anyone should say this to our face. We'd probably be screaming our heads off. Obviously, we will never admit this narcissism of ourselves.

Its harder to chew the hard-truth and as mere-mortals we tend to portray the 'correct and acceptable ways' when deep down we could or may not be that. But that's life. People, friends, experiences molds us to what we are today. We go through it unintentionally picking up on things we may not even be aware of.

I'm not sure how to end this...............hurts to think too much on it.

Some Things u Just Cant Escape......

I went to 2 weddings last weekend.
One was easy enough, I was a guest. My colleague's daughter who is 10 years younger than me got married. Which [for a woman who'd like to bear children], is the best time to be married.



So there I was in my 'kurung' all dolled up looking so decent and feeling miserable. The heat and the million dollar question, the "When are U getting married when you're already 35"!!!! proved to be too much ....................I survived obviously since I'm writing this up.

Anyway, for the 2nd wedding they needed my help. Since I'm not good at anything creative, I thought I could just do the 'bunga rampai', one kind of potpourri if you may. Which by the way, any 5 year old could've done. But because of the sheer volume that's needed, I thought I'd pitched in. I can very well say after shredding the particular leaf called 'daun pandan' which smells heavenly, I now know how to make something so bland into a sweet smelling condiments for a wedding. I must say the mixture of rose water and vanilla cream makes such a profound effect for the nostril and keeps the leaf looking bright days after the event.

Once that was done, there was still so many more things to do and without an organizer for the whole event, everyone just pitched in without anyone having a grip of the whole shenanigans. Without missing a beat, I was put in charge of the 'bunga telor'; another add-ons (boiled eggs) to a malay wedding. That doesn't sound so hard, does it?

Well, its not just putting the egg into its casing. I've gotta boil it first.

Guess what? I need to boil 2000 of them !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So now, I'm officially the "TELOR CHICKs". Heheheheeheh

Ah.........but the wedding turned out OK, not great, but OK. Everyone went back in one piece and with my back bent and in need of a serious massage, I'm happy I could lend a hand.

Surprisingly to me after going and being in the midst of these weddings, I realized I don't mind one myself. But I'd rather not settle for one. I've put it at the back-burner for some time and now I'm ready to face it. I'm not scared of it anymore. If it comes, great. If it doesn't, I'll wait.

Congratulations Mek and Family.

One of Those Days.

"Harroo" "Harroo" Any want speaking d engrish?"
"Yes.......good morning Sir, *&#$ Berhad..........How may I help you?"
"Yes ahhhh....u speaking d engrish?"

Ya Allah...........another one of those god forsaken foreign callers that hardly speaks the right language and asking me if I speak English. Pagi2 dah naik darah. Lepas tu refuse le pulak nak cakap apa yang dia nak. Selagi aku tak jawab aku tau cakap bahasa yang dia nak, selagi tu dia tanya soalan yang sama! Bukan le aku pekak kan. Tapi bila aku jawab in perfect english, dia yang tak faham.

Yang peliknya kenapa lah operator kat *&#$ Berhad ni pun asyik pass semua segala callers yang complicated ni to my line. Agaknya dia ingat aku ni staff-cum-operator terhormat kat sini kot. Hampeh betul lah.

Itu tak pe lah lagi. The next call lagi dahsyat........

"Yes.......u are somebadi? Sambadi spreak please? Who arrr you? You are from *&#$ Berhad, yes."

Oh God........dia yang panggil. Dia yang tanya. Dia yang jawab............boleh?? Rasa nak pitam sekejap. I've never had a person who asks me a question, then question his one query and in the same breath, answer his question.

What did I do to cause me this much headache and its only 9am!!

That's Life

I was sitting around having coffee at 730am just now, hardly blinking and looking only half human when an old colleague from my previous department came over. Haven't spoken to him in a long while. As we get into the normal routine small talk and the infamous "How are U".........i noticed that he has this far away look. I took notice of this and cautiously asked him if everything is alright. He informed me that his wife passed away about 2 weeks ago and today was his first day at work.

What a bummer! Not the fact that he has lost his 'everything' but of all people I was there. Me.......who don't really know how to be compassionate with others and who's awkward at giving empathy towards them. What do I say?

So I didn't........and I asked him if he'd like to talk so that I could just listen. When he said no.........I sat there anyway and we drank our coffee and at the 11th hour, I gave him a hug. And when he's ready we both went up the stairs to your offices and back to real life.

Stay away........

This is what I had last night. BUT the thing is ..... I don't share dessert......

There have been awkward and embarrassing moments when I had to educate those who are new dining wt me about the DOs and DONTs of scooping my dessert even for a taste!

Its not my fault if you order that non-food called 'salad', picking at the greens then salivate when my dessert comes around. The whole idea of having desserts is for the whole savory experience of complementing a well-relished dish.

Stop coming into my own 'personal space of dessert heaven' by extending your arms over and over and over again and yet saying, "Oooohhhhhh I have to watch my diet". On top of that how dare u ask me whether i have any conscience when you're the one who cannot seem to stop yourself from lugging in my creamy, rich, flavory, warm chocolate with vanilla custard filling !

For god's sake WOMAN...........order your own dessert!!!! I DON'T SHARE DESSERT.......And stop spooning mine!!!!!!

My Sunshine

Last weekend I was busy running around town with my younger Sis before she has to head back to her workplace up north in BM. We ended at Jln T.A.R. that's infested with all throngs of people and managed to get couple of specific things that we needed. To top it off, it was pouring rain in KL that Saturday. On Sunday, we went out again to clear off the list of her things again and back to running in and out of town. That's just the kind of weekend I would normally have wt Jules.

We were resting in the midst of all that and just stopped to have coffee somewhere in Taman Tun when I realized that without her I'd feel lonely. I kinda take it for granted that she would drive me around and being the elder Sis, I do sometimes pressured her to follow my whims and fancies and to be at my beck and call. Each and every time she's back in town, I would act as if she'd be here forever.

We are close and I'm sure would always be closer. I know BM is not that far but when she's not around it feels as if she could be on another continent. I suppose even when she was in KL its just the knowledge of knowing she would always be about 15min away from me gives me the contentment of her presence. And that makes it all OK.

Now, I've got to learn how to be alright being by myself and keeping myself occupied without having her by my side. I know I'm just being whiny and I'll get out of this sombre mood soon. Its just another phase of growing up and life!

Aha!

I watched some re-runs of Oprah last night and as usual there will be something that she says throughout the show that will make sense and is captured by my run-away mind at some point.

"Every person that comes into our lives at a particular time is because of a reason"
"That person can be considered as a Teacher and we're the Student or vice-versa"
"A Teacher will only appear when the Student is ready"
.........that was my "A-ha" moment..............

I'M SORRY.....and Happy Birthday

Dedicated to that person whom I'am apologizing to. Does it look like tis sorry?

_________________________________________________________________

I do make such a big hassle when someone forgets my birthday and I have no excuses for it.
Somehow the thought just flew off my mind and InshaAllah I will get you what you want when I see you next. I'm sure you have had a lovely time last Monday and I wish you would hurry on home so that I could tebus segala dosaku!!!!

Haunting Revelations

3 days ago
I feel ok, balanced and everything's gonna be alright.
4 days ago
Still wondering, contemplating.......let me sleep on it.
5 days ago

At a moment when I'm going through a myriad of emotions I came across this marvelous person that I had only known for a couple of days. Do I call him Stranger? I feel that not all the information passed to me is the truth or even the right one but it certainly is the right ones AT THIS MOMENT to be given to me.

Despite the fiction of it all, I was happy that I was able to help. But if I’m really truthful to myself I should say that he did me a favour and all that I did was actually a selfish act on my end. I needed confirmation in the worst possible way and that is BEING NEEDED.
I’ve never felt better as when I know I made a difference, or when I make someone happy or if I am wanted. I haven’t felt that in a long time and truth be told, the boost given to me is all about me.

Yes, I have always been a giver and yes at times I felt so constricted by what I put myself into, I tend to re-act badly. I feel I deserve more when in fact I did this to myself. I have no one to blame but myself. In the end, I should really take a deep look at what I need and what I should let go.

I felt free.
I felt beautiful.
I felt important.
I felt liberated!

And it’s all due to a Stranger that I came into contact whom I have no idea where he’s been, what he’s about and why he’s the way he is. He sounds like a caring person although he may have his own demons and may be more skeletons in the closet than me.

Whatever the real situation is, I don’t need to find out. But I am thankful for dropping by into my life for a split second and making me think, feel and act the way I want for a change.

Do I still call him a Stranger?

Yes, I suppose I will. I don’t expect him to understand my babbling as one person’s canvas is another painter’s carefree will to paint. But I thank him and I do wish him all the best and may he’s blessed for if he can make one lonely woman feel half as what I felt tonight, he should have all the break he deserves.

Fatty Crab.....again

LYN was recently promoted and wanted to celebrate. We had deferred this so many times due to EL's hectic schedule and finally after much delay I decided enough is enough and lets just get out of the stuffy office. Since LYN was very much crappy after two weeks on the job, I decided what better way then to take both of them to FATTY CRAB. Hehehehe......Feeling crappy go to Fatty Crab!


**BTW, both this pic was copied from google as I didnt get a chance to snap it before all 3 of us gulped down this beautiful tasty morsels.**


So there we were sucking on the delicious sweet and sour crab, accompanied by the beautifully fried rice with shrimps, oblivious to our surroundings. We laughed, talked, made fun of each other and I couldnt help but see all the other around us and I dont see much of what I am experiencing at that moment.

This is the good life, good times, good company and I'm so appreciative to be able to have all this and am content to just savour the moment and wishing it will continue for much much longer.

The Ones that I Cherish

LEO sent me a forwarded mail I suppose, marked [World Best Friends Week] and it read something like this.........

"We met by chance and turned into friends
and now our destiny keeps us close to each other"
"Making our Friendship grow more with the passing time, U are Friend of a Lifetime"



I can never say good things enough about LEO. Even with all his paranoia (about himself, I may add) his meticulous strive for excellence, exceptional self-worth, caring ways with his other friends.....not to mention how he can make anyone laugh out loud in their most down time....... I am always grateful for his never-ending style of making others feel good about themselves. And that is a trait worth hanging on to.

And to all my other close buddies who have been there and put up with me through my ultasonic, short-circuit and indescribable mood swings. Thanks guys. You know who you are.

I'm JINX-ed

I'm not sure why but day has been teetering on getting from bad to worse to the unbelievable today.

It began last night when I left the office. Got on the train at about 745pm and as usual if its late, there's plenty of seats. After a hard day's work, I just plonked myself in the seat and closed my eyes for the 45-min ride. As we got halfway, the train stopped and couple more people got on and there was on only one seat left. One of them was this blind person. Trying to be nice, I offered my seat. He scorned me by saying "Hey, i'm not an invalid" Poohh....i was semi-embarrassed but not that bad. I said, "That's OK". Next station he was off and as he walked past me, his cane tapped my foot and he turned around and said, "Hey! Are u blind?" I was ready to just snap my tongue but held it. Patience was never my attribute but that borders on just mean.

Further on, a deaf/mute couple got in. I sat there without saying anything because I thought they're young surely they can stand. Suddenly the guy look at me and was flailing his arms and saying something to me obviously with his facial expression going from incredulous to almost murderous! Oh my god, What did I do??? Surprisingly fast, they got off the train with the girl showing me her index finger! The nerve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I was reeling down from all these mishaps, I got to the last station and there was no cab in sight. Had to call for a ride back home and got a lip-service from my sis. Geeeez............

This morning, came in late, sloshed coffee all over my pant-suit, my computer suddenly went blank and I cant view my calender and everything on it. My phone decided to give me a dead-tone and my boss is cranky.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Teppanyaki

Ah......the delicious teppanyaki. Look at all those vege. Although I'm a meat lover, that combination of stir-fry vege and lots and lots of fried garlic plus their special blend of pepper and rock salt would salivate anyone.




I brought a 'teppanyaki-skeptic' to dinner with me and he doesnt eat anything that he thinks is "weird". Anyway, my first order of salmon teppanyaki was so salty that I pushed it aside and ordered myself a second of beef teppanyaki. While waiting, this big fella gingerly tasted the leftover food for he hates to waste food.

In the end he finished up both my salmon and beef teppanyaki because the chef decided to be overly generous with the salt.

I was still burning angry by the time we left and end up with a limp burger on the way back home while he cleaned his tooth and complimenting on this new discovery of food that he love. MMMMppppppphsshhhhhh!!!!