Facts of Life

Relationship is surely the mirror in which you discover yourself.

Understanding others' challenges, struggles and abilities can help us appreciate and understand our own. Often we project our issues onto the mirror of our partner.

No system, however can reach into a couple's private inner sanctuary; only they can know and appreciate the internal dynamics of their relationship; only they can experience the difficulties and the lessons. The innermost thoughts, feelings and struggles of others are theirs alone to see and theirs to work out in their own way.

As we come to appreciate the dynamics of our relationship we turn it into a powerful means of insight, awareness and personal growth. Relationships serve mutual needs. In the positive the bring joy; in the negative they bring lessons that cant be ignored for long.

In the end, I think compassion & deeper emphatic bond will result in increased good-will, mutual support, loving demands, good humour and improved communication; just to name a few of what relationship tends to be.

All human life has its seasons and cycles, and no one's personal chaos can be permanent. It seems essential, in relationships that we concentrate only on what is most significant and important.

Delicious Fun

Last weekend was another one of those run-by-the-mill activities.....family, friends, dancing -:))

But one that I will write about is my outing to Fatty Crab. I've always loved seafood. The only problem is I'm allergic to it. So all the times I had been out over the years konon nya pi makan seafood is equivalent to me picking at tidbits of scraps of those delicious sinful thing the rest called seafood galore. Most time than not, its rice and vege for me for fear of me turning into Nutty Professor with a giant face at the end of a seafood meal.

Anyway, I dont know what made me brave it out when a close friend suggested at the spur of the moment to hit the stall and for once try out my cravings for Crab. I thought........"What the heck....I might as well do it" "Whats the worst that can happen" "Most to most....the patrons there will just run when they see me start to bloat"

We ordered simple enough....fried rice, chicken wings, small plate of Crab and toast bread. Ya Allah hu Ya Kareem..........10min into it I cant stop!!!! Those things are simply superb. Why didnt anyone told me before? I lost out on years and years of this awesome taste? With a hammer in one hand and messy as hell, I was happily chugging down them.

Ahhhh.........thanks Babe for the wonderful outing and what will now be one of my regular stops I'm sure ;)

Happy Birthday Kaklong

Birthdays to me is a BIG deal.

Late yesterday evening after I've settled down from my chaotic and messy day, I gave a call to Kaklong, asking how her birth-day has been and what she's up to for the night. Much to my dismay, she said she's on the way home! I thought......where's the party? where's the get together with close friends? where's the special something someone who's suppose to keep her company and have a merry-good time?

The next thing I know, I'm in the train heading straight to KLCC and we end up having a quiet but satisfied dinner at Spring Garden. I'm not just talking about the great food and the excellent conversation we had. It was one of those times when we had a deep discussion and open communication that actually meant a lot to both of us.

I've always loved kaklong dearly. Its not the same with my love for parents or Jules. I love Jules to pieces and cant imagine anythg harmful happening to her and has been sickeningly protective towards her. But KAKLONG.......She's my rock and the most sensitive person I've known. She's someone whom you can count on at every corner in every situation and just a wonderful damn good person.

We hardly talk much over the years growing up and from a young age I've been emotionally on my own. But seeing her yesterday, looking so radiant on her day and feeling so optimistic about life in general (I have to write this abt her because she's been through a lot) I am so so so very happy for her and I wish with all might that if anything good should be bestowed upon anyone, I would wish for her to receive it.

I LOVE U KAKLONG.

Feminism

I have never seen myself as a romantic person.

The notion of being romantic does appeal to me but somehow I feel that my actions are far from it. So it came as a complete surprise when an acquaintance of mine told me that i'm exactly that. Naturally I feel every woman has this sense in them whether they exhibit it or not. Its through those simple things that we find so important but baffles the opposite sex.

I'm not talking about declaring "I Love you, I care for you, I miss you...." 10times a day! Now that seems like the next fatal-obsessive-compulsive-behaviour.

But guess what........ I'm confident enough in myself and I wouldnt care what others think of me coz either way I know if and when I utter those words, I really felt it and it wont come out looking like a superficial-bimbo who's trying too hard.

Expectations...

The thing about friends, good ones and close ones. Expectations. In any form of relationship, 'Expectation Kills'.

Not to have expectations is easier said than done. Its a hard thing to do, at least it is for me. However much you think you wouldnt want to burden your friends or lovers, in a way, we will still end up doing it - unintentionally of course!! Because the moment you are in a relationship there is no 1 but 2 separate entities trying to blend as 1. You can never be yourself totally in any way. Some form of change will have to take place whether we want it or not.

So do we form beliefs based on our experiences, or do we create experiences based on our beliefs?

I think, while experiences and expectations do influence each other - what we assume, expect or believe, colours and creates our experience.

Taye Diggs said, "The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other".

Do we love so unconditionally that we lose ourselves in our partner because we're so blinded by the feelings that overwhelmed us? Do we compensate that loss by expecting the other to mold their character and meet us halfway? or Do we wake up one day and suddenly realized its a place we dont want to be anymore because of the restrictions we put upon ourselves in the first place?

I read that the key to applying the Law of Expectations is to crate new expectations, based not on blind faith but on clear intention. It also says that what we expect tends to appear in our life because we set it in motion.

I wont kid myself.......... I do expect. However, I think All said and done, having realistic expectations is what we normally would do in hope of a better and grounding relationship.

I salute those who can do without.

Current Blissful Life.........

Heya Guys! Sorry for not updating the blogs more often. I have been travelling and getting some action lately........so cut this girl some slack, eh? Lol!!

Let me see, things have been great for me for some time now probably of the calm and peace I felt and create around myself. Well there has been some hiccups but can easily be mended.

Job front I'm still in a limbo due to the re-structuring but instead of worrying and fretting over it like I used to, I feel that as far as my work is concerned, things will come around sooner or later for me. So, I'm being quite cool about the whole thing - much to the dismay of other pesky busybodies. Maybe I'll let them do the nosying around for me and I'll just come prepared.........that would definitely throw them off!!! hahahaha

Personally I am doing OK amidst the bouts of loneliness that sometimes creep up without me noticing it. Again, I find myself taking it all in a stride. Should I be worried that I have no one to curl up to? No one to take care of? No one to shower my attention to? Surprisingly, the less obsessive I become on the matter of the heart, the better I am at handling it. Hmmmm........what an interesting revelation.

Family wise, everyone's doing OK. Still tugging at me to help out with everything as usual. Not that I mind, I suppose everyone else is going through the same motion when it comes to family members. They would always come first despite the bickering, yelling and loving going on.

Friends? Now there's where the turbulance come about. I may have to write a separate blog about it. Much has happened. So many things unanswered and uncertainty clouds certain individual's vision. I wish I could help. I dont like feeling helpless.

Read on for my next chapter on the above....................

31st DECEMBER 2007

The perfect birthday for a perfect closure........Ah.....I won't complain ever again!!

Early morning I was bombarded with tons of well wishes for my birthday and it continued the whole day till midnite for New Year wishes as well. So for once I can proudly say my mobile was hotline ringing and beeping non-stop. In a nutshell this was what happened throughout the day :-

9 am Breakfast served in bed by family with birthday gift

(without having to rinse my mouth)

10am Driven to Bangsar for brunch with very close friends for facial and massage
(free voucher)

1230pm Drop by the office to pick up flowers, teddy bear and chocolate given by office-mates

1 pm Lunch (paid by them) with DESSERT!!!

2 pm Moved to PD with close friends

3 pm Checked-in, ooooohh-ed & aahhh-ed at the room
(big room with the pool just 5-footsteps outside the door)

4 pm Cake-cutting, photo shoot and binging on snacks (served by them)

6 pm Moved to the beach

8 pm Got ready for dinner (paid by them again)

930pm Moved to Guoman for after dinner party

11 pm Got ready for New Year countdown

12 pm Cant remember after this time onwards (Due to Unforseen Circumstances)

The next morning with a hang-over went for breakfast and a little detour around the hotel. How awesome is it at 35 to be treated with acute plans by best friends that I've had over 12 years ago and still rocking together with good humour and big laughter thrown in?

Believe it Or Not..........I'm the luckiest girl on earth -:))

Wine Tasting

I have always been a fan of wine; particularlay Port.

Last night I had a chance to saviour my favourite pastime......sipping wine in a relaxing ambience. The liquid has got to always be Red, full bodied and at room temperature for me. Its just something sinful about it and the taste just goes down the throat the right way. However, last night the host wanted to try white. So we had the 2003 Margaret River Chardonnay.

I never get drunk but something about this white liquid that gives such a rush and a kick....Phew!! It was chilled, semi sweet and superbly rich. Not that I know much about wine in the first place but I never knew white could have such a thrilling after taste!

As much as colour brings out the fun in a person and taste in food, never underestimate

(and I'm not just talking about wine).

I must say, I have been guilty of that a lot lately and I've got re-evaluate the person I've become.

Kool & The Gang

Ah.......another perfect day. Other the usual routine that I live for I managed to finish up work on time and barrel out of the office in time for another day at the concert hall.

Man.........Kool and The Gang rocks!!!

Hazami was the opening act (surprisingly good vocal). Followed by 60min of serenades from James Ingram (he was awesome) and another 60min of good 'ol hard pumping 70s groove. I danced till my feet hurt and shouted till I can barely talk this morning. Heheheheh.......that was how good a time I had.

However, nothing beats the concert of the year - Black Eyed Peas.

P/s Wonder how 'My Chemical Romance' concert will turn out on the 9th of Dec. -:))

Fantastically Fabulous

Dear Diary

Today is one of those days that I had an almost perfect day. The day started with just the right note of perkiness and picture perfect. Breakfast was just fabulous. Work a natural flow. Friends all seem happy. Family's all well. Lunch was fantastic. Nothing went wrong and nothing major or out of the ordinary that made the heart ache happened.

I raise my hands to heavens and thank my lucky star.

P/s Dinner and hopefully the rest of the night.......... just superb -:))

Too Much Paradise...........

Who was it that said "Laughter is the best medicine"?
.......and its true.....A happy disposition increases our level of endorphis and lowers the production of stress hormones.

People with a happy nature are sunny and pleasant to be with.

Without it, life is dry. It is an infectious feeling that instantly lifts sagging spirits.
Happy people keep themselves happy because they know the little ways to appreciate themselves and to see the humour and magic in each moment.

A smile is an inexpensive way to improve our looks.

P/s I think thats what the split each corner of my mouth is created for ;)

Shout It!! Say It !! Love.....

Have you ever had the feel of gratification when you wake up in the morning and instantly know that you will have a wonderful day ahead of you?

I'm having a marvelous day :))

LIFE IS A BEAUTIFUL GIFT

A chat friend gave me an article to comment on - how Life will turn out differently/positively if each and everyone of us begins life having the knowlegde of what the end will turn out to be.

Well, Captain Jack............. this is what I came up with. For the rest of you, happy reading -:))

_____________________________________________________________________

If you are lucky in life, you will know from the get set what you want and what you don’t want in life. Having said that, not everyone is blessed with this gift.

I think knowing beforehand what life will throw at you is boring. Same goes with having dreams of what the ideal life is all about. One’s interpretation of succeeding in life differs from each individual. Collectively we all think ideally once you are comfortable in life you are on your way to success. In this era of science and technology, we can be creative and productive and at the same time not lose the humanness that we are all born with. Just material things or comfort alone do not make you comfortable.

Being motivated, having commitment and responsible throughout your life are all values which we should have with a conscious mind through proper awareness. (These cannot be taught or brought about through training). These positive traits will definitely hold competitive advantage to succeed. This no doubt will make our aim in life clearer.

The saying that life that equals a moving wheel holds a meaning. At one point you’re on top of the world but never forget that wheels turn. The ups and downs of life is inevitable just like change.

Some resist change for the mere fact that change demands effort and self- discipline especially when we are uncertain about the outcome or fear loss from change. We would much rather deal with the devil than know the uncertainty of transition. However, careful planning facilitates change. Combine that with Knowledge, Change can be a powerful tool.

Everyone needs to get a broad understanding about oneself and one’s priorities. Clarity in the mind makes things much easier.

Yes, Life is definitely easier if we have the end picture in mind, But as a realist I think that’s wishful thinking. Life without taking risks is dull; be it calculated or otherwise.

Life itself is a series of experiences. When u become tolerant in all adverse situations, you will continue to experience pleasures.

With that, life may be seen as a wonderful journey that is worth your while.

P/s Never regret and never go through life asking “What if”…………

Magical Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

It has been slightly over 2 months since I last wrote. It wasn’t so much as being busy but time seems to stand still somehow. However, I’m back and I feel calm and collected.

Ramadhan starts off tremendously for me. It has been 5 days and I’m getting stronger and healthier in a long time. Fasting has been a breeze so far and I hope will continue to be the same until the end of the 30 days.

Things at the office have not picked up its momentum when it comes to this particular month and I’m gearing all out for the weekdays to be filled with invitations for Iftar throughout the coming weekdays.

I have been talking more and more with Leo and that never fails to cheer me up constantly! Another funny and weird thing always happen too…..lots of new acquaintances, old ones popped back and not to mention the bonding of current ones became stronger than any other month of the year.

I do wonder whether the sacred holy month has a surprise for me in store -:))

Its a Lonely World......being FAT

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always been chubby….growing proportionately to fat and tipped the scale over 100kg by adulthood. I consciously did this to myself over a period of time. Guilty as charged and if I’m really honest with myself I know why I did it……(it goes back as young as when I’m 4-5 years old)

Coming back to reality, life hasn’t been rosy.

For earlier part of my life, I watched it unfolds in misery and I keep beating myself over it. I keep blaming everyone and everything around me, the unfairness and unjust and simply being a sore. My confidence and self-esteem is close to non-existent and by the time I start work, it suffered even more without any qualification.

Living in denial, I bulldozed through; keeping busy, being indispensable to all those around me. Feeling needed by others gives me a certain high. It accomplished a niche’ and satisfy the grueling contentment of being wanted. I seek acceptance through the worst possible way.

Over the years, I’ve managed to gain confidence, miraculously if I may add; despite being a loner and always shutting others who got too close for comfort.

A late bloomer for obvious reasons, I go through series of rejections and in the process of finding myself amidst the confusion, I made some unwise decisions. Again, I fall back on the same old circle of feeling worthless. I wonder why when I’m having the time of my life, the axe will surely come down and uncertainty clouds the moment. Not that I’ve had a sure footing in it but somehow its always like thunderstorm……that’s how I can describe my relationships.

Recently, I find myself at a crossroad in my life. Personally and physically, I’m a mess of a human being. I took a good look of my soul. I was caught in a moment………I feel I’m waiting on the edge but I’m not quite sure of what. I know I’m spiraling out of control, pass the state of mind. I let myself slip for far too long.

Perversely, I didn’t hate myself. However, if I don’t love myself, who in their right mind would?

Fast forward to present time, a change in mindset sets me off to a whole new direction. No more shadows, no more self-doubt, no more blames, no more guilty trips, no more feeling sorry for my pathetic self.

Step by step, I’m losing it bit by bit, slowly but surely. Its an upscale battle and an on-going process. I understand now losing weight is not just about waiting for the numbers to drop and feeling scared of not being wanted or accepted. It’s a change of lifestyle. Its about losing inhibitions. Its all about gaining confidence and loving & having faith in yourself.

Life isnt a bed of roses as yet but fat or thin, I matter.

Short-Lived

July greeted me with sombre news......

As I was beginning to celebrate life to its full potential, someone's papa was struck a blow with stroke. I feel for that person much more than I should and can feel the pain and thought of losing a loved one. I know only too well losing someone I love.

There's just something magical about fathers that I cant quite explain especially if you're close to one parent. For me its a feeling of security, someone to look up to, a rock that held me grounded.

I want to reach out to that person but fear rejection.

All said and done, being supportive when you dont know where you stand in the first place is an unfamiliar territory. Letting go is not about giving up but rather about opening up opportunities for the self. The cliche is - If you love someone, let him go. If he comes back, he is yours forever. If not, he was never yours to begin with.

In our quest to find the true meaning, we sometimes forget the answers lies within ourselves.

Chicken Pie

Sweetheart, you rock my world -:))

P/s Public displays of affection - perfect.

May be.....

Life is a mystery. Some say its a game, to some its a battlefield and to others a journey. Whatever one may call it, there is a way to enjoy it.

If anyone were to ask me, my secret of finding deep fulfillment lies in serving others. I believe giving is receiving. I think there is appreciation in learning to give joy and love. A smile, a caring word, showing attention, love and concern can go a long way. So, I'll just keep on giving and MAY BE.....if given a chance something positive may come my way.

It takes so little to show that I care yet it can mean so much.

Romantic 'Fool'

Wake up! Smell the roses, the air seem fresher and the sun seems to be shining brighter.........Ah.....the feel good things that only a romantic fool like me would be able to see and grasp its meaning -:))

Most people seek and whine for romance their entire life but somehow when its presented to them; the pessimist wouldn't know how to react and would perhaps just laugh things off as they're not exactly sure how to handle it. It excites, it feels warm and just down right unreal that it feels silly when romance finally hits home.

I look forward to it and pray to God that I wont mess up when it hits me between the eyes !!

Grinning all day Long

How is it possible to be totally carefree and happy? Hmmmm........that's exactly what I'm feeling today. From the moment I woke up things have been going well. Lunch time was just superb........'san francisco coffee' never tasted as good as today -:)), etc. etc. etc.

Lucky me, I'm just gonna count my blessing and ride the feeling all day.....[...grin....]