Wine Tasting

I have always been a fan of wine; particularlay Port.

Last night I had a chance to saviour my favourite pastime......sipping wine in a relaxing ambience. The liquid has got to always be Red, full bodied and at room temperature for me. Its just something sinful about it and the taste just goes down the throat the right way. However, last night the host wanted to try white. So we had the 2003 Margaret River Chardonnay.

I never get drunk but something about this white liquid that gives such a rush and a kick....Phew!! It was chilled, semi sweet and superbly rich. Not that I know much about wine in the first place but I never knew white could have such a thrilling after taste!

As much as colour brings out the fun in a person and taste in food, never underestimate

(and I'm not just talking about wine).

I must say, I have been guilty of that a lot lately and I've got re-evaluate the person I've become.

Kool & The Gang

Ah.......another perfect day. Other the usual routine that I live for I managed to finish up work on time and barrel out of the office in time for another day at the concert hall.

Man.........Kool and The Gang rocks!!!

Hazami was the opening act (surprisingly good vocal). Followed by 60min of serenades from James Ingram (he was awesome) and another 60min of good 'ol hard pumping 70s groove. I danced till my feet hurt and shouted till I can barely talk this morning. Heheheheh.......that was how good a time I had.

However, nothing beats the concert of the year - Black Eyed Peas.

P/s Wonder how 'My Chemical Romance' concert will turn out on the 9th of Dec. -:))

Fantastically Fabulous

Dear Diary

Today is one of those days that I had an almost perfect day. The day started with just the right note of perkiness and picture perfect. Breakfast was just fabulous. Work a natural flow. Friends all seem happy. Family's all well. Lunch was fantastic. Nothing went wrong and nothing major or out of the ordinary that made the heart ache happened.

I raise my hands to heavens and thank my lucky star.

P/s Dinner and hopefully the rest of the night.......... just superb -:))

Too Much Paradise...........

Who was it that said "Laughter is the best medicine"?
.......and its true.....A happy disposition increases our level of endorphis and lowers the production of stress hormones.

People with a happy nature are sunny and pleasant to be with.

Without it, life is dry. It is an infectious feeling that instantly lifts sagging spirits.
Happy people keep themselves happy because they know the little ways to appreciate themselves and to see the humour and magic in each moment.

A smile is an inexpensive way to improve our looks.

P/s I think thats what the split each corner of my mouth is created for ;)

Shout It!! Say It !! Love.....

Have you ever had the feel of gratification when you wake up in the morning and instantly know that you will have a wonderful day ahead of you?

I'm having a marvelous day :))

LIFE IS A BEAUTIFUL GIFT

A chat friend gave me an article to comment on - how Life will turn out differently/positively if each and everyone of us begins life having the knowlegde of what the end will turn out to be.

Well, Captain Jack............. this is what I came up with. For the rest of you, happy reading -:))

_____________________________________________________________________

If you are lucky in life, you will know from the get set what you want and what you don’t want in life. Having said that, not everyone is blessed with this gift.

I think knowing beforehand what life will throw at you is boring. Same goes with having dreams of what the ideal life is all about. One’s interpretation of succeeding in life differs from each individual. Collectively we all think ideally once you are comfortable in life you are on your way to success. In this era of science and technology, we can be creative and productive and at the same time not lose the humanness that we are all born with. Just material things or comfort alone do not make you comfortable.

Being motivated, having commitment and responsible throughout your life are all values which we should have with a conscious mind through proper awareness. (These cannot be taught or brought about through training). These positive traits will definitely hold competitive advantage to succeed. This no doubt will make our aim in life clearer.

The saying that life that equals a moving wheel holds a meaning. At one point you’re on top of the world but never forget that wheels turn. The ups and downs of life is inevitable just like change.

Some resist change for the mere fact that change demands effort and self- discipline especially when we are uncertain about the outcome or fear loss from change. We would much rather deal with the devil than know the uncertainty of transition. However, careful planning facilitates change. Combine that with Knowledge, Change can be a powerful tool.

Everyone needs to get a broad understanding about oneself and one’s priorities. Clarity in the mind makes things much easier.

Yes, Life is definitely easier if we have the end picture in mind, But as a realist I think that’s wishful thinking. Life without taking risks is dull; be it calculated or otherwise.

Life itself is a series of experiences. When u become tolerant in all adverse situations, you will continue to experience pleasures.

With that, life may be seen as a wonderful journey that is worth your while.

P/s Never regret and never go through life asking “What if”…………

Magical Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

It has been slightly over 2 months since I last wrote. It wasn’t so much as being busy but time seems to stand still somehow. However, I’m back and I feel calm and collected.

Ramadhan starts off tremendously for me. It has been 5 days and I’m getting stronger and healthier in a long time. Fasting has been a breeze so far and I hope will continue to be the same until the end of the 30 days.

Things at the office have not picked up its momentum when it comes to this particular month and I’m gearing all out for the weekdays to be filled with invitations for Iftar throughout the coming weekdays.

I have been talking more and more with Leo and that never fails to cheer me up constantly! Another funny and weird thing always happen too…..lots of new acquaintances, old ones popped back and not to mention the bonding of current ones became stronger than any other month of the year.

I do wonder whether the sacred holy month has a surprise for me in store -:))

Its a Lonely World......being FAT

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always been chubby….growing proportionately to fat and tipped the scale over 100kg by adulthood. I consciously did this to myself over a period of time. Guilty as charged and if I’m really honest with myself I know why I did it……(it goes back as young as when I’m 4-5 years old)

Coming back to reality, life hasn’t been rosy.

For earlier part of my life, I watched it unfolds in misery and I keep beating myself over it. I keep blaming everyone and everything around me, the unfairness and unjust and simply being a sore. My confidence and self-esteem is close to non-existent and by the time I start work, it suffered even more without any qualification.

Living in denial, I bulldozed through; keeping busy, being indispensable to all those around me. Feeling needed by others gives me a certain high. It accomplished a niche’ and satisfy the grueling contentment of being wanted. I seek acceptance through the worst possible way.

Over the years, I’ve managed to gain confidence, miraculously if I may add; despite being a loner and always shutting others who got too close for comfort.

A late bloomer for obvious reasons, I go through series of rejections and in the process of finding myself amidst the confusion, I made some unwise decisions. Again, I fall back on the same old circle of feeling worthless. I wonder why when I’m having the time of my life, the axe will surely come down and uncertainty clouds the moment. Not that I’ve had a sure footing in it but somehow its always like thunderstorm……that’s how I can describe my relationships.

Recently, I find myself at a crossroad in my life. Personally and physically, I’m a mess of a human being. I took a good look of my soul. I was caught in a moment………I feel I’m waiting on the edge but I’m not quite sure of what. I know I’m spiraling out of control, pass the state of mind. I let myself slip for far too long.

Perversely, I didn’t hate myself. However, if I don’t love myself, who in their right mind would?

Fast forward to present time, a change in mindset sets me off to a whole new direction. No more shadows, no more self-doubt, no more blames, no more guilty trips, no more feeling sorry for my pathetic self.

Step by step, I’m losing it bit by bit, slowly but surely. Its an upscale battle and an on-going process. I understand now losing weight is not just about waiting for the numbers to drop and feeling scared of not being wanted or accepted. It’s a change of lifestyle. Its about losing inhibitions. Its all about gaining confidence and loving & having faith in yourself.

Life isnt a bed of roses as yet but fat or thin, I matter.

Short-Lived

July greeted me with sombre news......

As I was beginning to celebrate life to its full potential, someone's papa was struck a blow with stroke. I feel for that person much more than I should and can feel the pain and thought of losing a loved one. I know only too well losing someone I love.

There's just something magical about fathers that I cant quite explain especially if you're close to one parent. For me its a feeling of security, someone to look up to, a rock that held me grounded.

I want to reach out to that person but fear rejection.

All said and done, being supportive when you dont know where you stand in the first place is an unfamiliar territory. Letting go is not about giving up but rather about opening up opportunities for the self. The cliche is - If you love someone, let him go. If he comes back, he is yours forever. If not, he was never yours to begin with.

In our quest to find the true meaning, we sometimes forget the answers lies within ourselves.

Chicken Pie

Sweetheart, you rock my world -:))

P/s Public displays of affection - perfect.

May be.....

Life is a mystery. Some say its a game, to some its a battlefield and to others a journey. Whatever one may call it, there is a way to enjoy it.

If anyone were to ask me, my secret of finding deep fulfillment lies in serving others. I believe giving is receiving. I think there is appreciation in learning to give joy and love. A smile, a caring word, showing attention, love and concern can go a long way. So, I'll just keep on giving and MAY BE.....if given a chance something positive may come my way.

It takes so little to show that I care yet it can mean so much.

Romantic 'Fool'

Wake up! Smell the roses, the air seem fresher and the sun seems to be shining brighter.........Ah.....the feel good things that only a romantic fool like me would be able to see and grasp its meaning -:))

Most people seek and whine for romance their entire life but somehow when its presented to them; the pessimist wouldn't know how to react and would perhaps just laugh things off as they're not exactly sure how to handle it. It excites, it feels warm and just down right unreal that it feels silly when romance finally hits home.

I look forward to it and pray to God that I wont mess up when it hits me between the eyes !!

Grinning all day Long

How is it possible to be totally carefree and happy? Hmmmm........that's exactly what I'm feeling today. From the moment I woke up things have been going well. Lunch time was just superb........'san francisco coffee' never tasted as good as today -:)), etc. etc. etc.

Lucky me, I'm just gonna count my blessing and ride the feeling all day.....[...grin....]

Feel Good

I am not a morning person by nature. That doesnt necessarily make me an ogre either. I'd like to think that I'm semi-human until I get my usual dose of caffeine. But when I self-reflect, I noticed that I always manage to laugh even before I'm out the door everyday either by my own antics or those around me.

As if to seal my own beliefs, I was complimented at breakfast how good I look today. I ended up having a good long breakfast with my colleagues; few good belly laughs thrown in till I peed in my pants!! LOL............

Reflecting on the things I care about most gives me a glimpse of my innate goodness. When my inner landscape is full of beautiful thoughts, everything I do is a pleasure.

Me, Myself and I

As our thoughts...........so is our attitude.

One rule that seems universally applicable is that there will always be some events over which we do not have a personal hold; but our attitude towards them is our own creating and, therefore, the right attitude lies in our own hands.

I feel its not so much the event itself, but the fact that I have no control over what has happened. I was told that i should take it as a fact of life. My attitude should be of acceptance of the fact that it has happened and I should try to find the remedy instead of feeling upset or shaken and losing the courage to face the challenge.

I think its far easier and more positive to avail myself of a chance to change

Than try to change my chances.

Let me sum it up nicely........When we're loved and cared for as an individual, we feel good. When that is taken away, there's pain and hurt. We need evidence of caring not so much for what we do but for who we are. We need to know that others care for us and value us; that we are appreciated for what we are.

I think learning about one-self is absolutely crucial. To unravel the mystery of the self and to be able to see all different facets of one's personality is a journey worth travelling.

Just for Tonite

Tonite

I'll hold you, lay you, kiss you

Taste you all the way down

Tonite

You dont have to be lonely

You need to only call me

I will be there

When your body gets weak

And you need some affection

I will lay you down

When your body is in need

And you need some attention

I will lay you down

Tonite

When I'm with you

I will lay down beside you

Then stay all night long

Tonite

I just want to please you

Tonite

There'll be no intermission

I have only one mission

.....and.....

that's turning you on

__________________________________________________________________

Last night

You were so into it

You told me secrets that you never told a soul

I was so nervous and yet oh so comfortable

As we explore the image of love

I drank your wine as you drank mine

I kissed your lips and I felt your mindless slip into my soul

I almost cried coz it was so beautiful

Last night, you were inside of me

Last night, while making love to you

I saw the sun, the moon, the mountains and the river

I saw heaven when you make sweet love to me

Forgive & Forget

Many say that they can forgive but they cannot forget. Sometimes, I assume what they are really saying is that they cannot forgive. Forgiveness should be like a note that we tear to pieces, toss into a rubbish bin and completely forget about. Not something even I could do at a drop of a hat but it does clear the conscience faster.

Situations should be considered like guests; they come and go.

Living in the past wipes out our chances of enjoying the present and gives no hope for the future.

Looking back I thot hard of myself.......Are there still feelings of disgust or hatred for one who has caused me pain? Do I benefit from such negative feelings ? Forgiving and forgetting are in my best interest. It removes the pain and burden in my heart and, thereby; frees others of their difficulties too.

HEARTBEAT

Today is the day I know I'm totally over pretending.
Its time to say goodbye for good.
I've known its over for some time but some shreds of my sanity is still hanging and hoping.

Like water dropping on to a hard piece of stone, sooner or later even the stone will be carved out. Little did I know, the stone is made out of 6 layers of concrete cement with no way of chipping it.

I've been living in denial..................I'm shaping up and shipping out :((

Weekly Updates....

Watched MU/Chelsea last nite - what a lukewarm match! Draw........that was that. Scratched, farted, ate, watched more TV, etc......

Couple of compliments from strangers, couple of mishaps at work and couple of late nights doing laundry......thats basically it for this week. I do hope the weekend will shed more highlights :))

Missing you.....

We utter the word many times in different forms, for different people that touched our lives, for specific reasons when we feel vulnerable for that particular person we long for.....but honestly do we really know how it feels at that moment when we say it?

For me, I must say the only time I feel I'm missing someone is when I know he's there but I cant see, touch, smell, talk and feel him. So near yet so far......Am I alone here?

LEO, thank you......

Thanks for the very entertaining call. I can always count on you. Was such a relief. Gone were my worries, my sleepiness, my concerns..... everytime I hear from you. The joy and warmth that emanated from you sweeps it away; even if its for a short while. Its the exact energy that I need at this late hour.

Smiles back on -:))

FLOW LIKE THE RIVER

In my search for a life partner and the ultimate happiness (if ever there is one), I stumble upon many incidents; good ones that I cherish and bad ones that I'd sooner forget. Along the way, met with many people that adds colour to what I term as 'my life experiences'.

I've been lied to, taken advantage of, shortchanged, etc.................Still when a less than favourable offer came up - I wanted to grab it...Be damn with consequences. I am gonna make it! I wasnt going to pass it up.

Life doesnt just happen and neither will it always work as we plan or want it BUT this time I will go with the flow. If its not meant to be, a time for me will come sooner or later.

ASST. PM

Leo.......

Finally!! Looks like Nairobi's good for you. Love hearing your jovial and funny self again. (Somehow, I have 'Izin ku Pergi' playing softly in the background). I think that song will forever be synonym with you now -:))

Happy for you..........

LIFE'S A CONSTANT DRAMA

Its been some time since I last wrote.

Sorry guys......just been tied up. Family, friends, work, outings....all mingling into one chaotic agenda on my plate now. Not that I'm complaining - far from it. I like the feel of being needed in 100 places at the same time. Its a nice kind of tiredness especially if I felt that because of my touch and input, everyone around me felt the impact and benefit from it.

Too make a long story short, the title is self-explanatory I think :-))

Wish you a good April !

A Good Weekend

Oh my god.........what an interesting weekend I had -:))

In short, was out on Friday, Saturday & Sunday. (Almost got pickup by both the younger and older generation too) Needed rest on Monday with migraine, punctured feet and backache!!!!

Will elaborate when I have more time. Keep reading.......... (......grinning.......)

PATIENCE PAYS

Patience is not so much about waiting as it is about how one behaves while waiting. I should take my own 'medicine' after reciting the above -:))

There I was at Malaysia's biggest travel fair and exhibition. This fair normally offers unbelievable deals that you just have to check them out even if you cant afford to travel yet. There were probably thousands of them at the World Travel Center that day. 30minutes after being pushed and bumped for the 30th time.......I finally got the map of all the exhibition booths and was able to make sense of where local and international exhibitions are located. Phew!!!

3 hours later and almost getting mad, I located a particular section of the best bargain section. There were probably 5 people waiting in line. 4 of them are young couples, talking and laughing while reading the tons of brochures that were probably picked up along the way but one particular person is a character by itself. Its an older version of Queen Latifah (dressed and talked like an over-the-hill wrestler woman) and she was pushing herself to the front of our line and not the slightest bit embarrased that she was making a scene. Parking herself exactly in between me and one couple she again pushed her luck and tried to bump us to the side; all these while asking questions loud enough for the attendant to be aware of her annoying questions about a trip. I can almost sense whats coming next........ she would bump me and the other couple to reach her final destination.

You have to understand, its been almost 4 hours that I'm there. My feet's aching, my heels are almost surely bursting, I'm thirsty and hungry and pretty sure my patience is sorely tested by now.

Still........I gave the benefit of the doubt and stepped aside. [thinking that maybe this older lady deserves to go first, maybe she's double parked and needed her medication soon or maybe, just maybe this is her last dying wish......to travel -:)) ]

Patience is a true virtue especially when you're tested to the limit. I decided to remain in control, kept my cool and be calm. In the process I learned to let go; not just with regards to the situation but more so to just let her be. I maintained my compassion and care.

I felt good about myself........

INNOCENT

Bumped into a long-lost friend at lunch time and was asked this question - "What other mischief have u been up to lately?"

If I count the wild party I had last Friday, the endless flirting and pumped up exercise from all the dancing.......not to mention the Futsal......Hehehehe...........I was a good girl, right? But just for the fun of it, I answered......."Why drink and drive, When u can smoke and fly?" That got a big huge grin on his face!!! Not a person to be outwitted, he went on......"Why fart and waste, When u can burp and taste".

That was fun........and I realized the friends who dont know me well will never be sure of what I'm capable of. But its good to know that I'm still the spitfire girl they remembered and could always count on. All in all, I think I'm not bad, not bad at all even at 34 -:))

Time Out.....Have a Break

Last night, I was high. (High on Juice) Had 4 tall glasses of mango juice and was pumped up - what a joke, eh? Went out with couple of colleagues. Yak, yak, yak for few hours, got into a rut of just reminiscing what had happened for the day. Chill out time is necessary for everyone. If our lives had gone monotonous and however much I repeat it all the time on how I like routines, I think I'm up for a change. Live for today.......Yahoo!!!!!

FUTSAL ANYONE??

Its almost end of Tuesday but I have to tell you about my weekend. Years and years of watching the EPL, Bundesliga, SerieA, etc. of professional football and I finally played FUTSAL. Damn!!! Wrong move........Even after three days I can still feel the ache when I'm walking, eating, sitting, lying (or attempt to) even shitting!! Phew........

The day started well enough. Bright sunny skies (not that it matters coz its an indoor court), everyone in a cheery mood, full of enthusiasm, laughter and good 'ol teasing going around. Looks like we're on the way to a good game. The court was originally booked for 2 hours but since none of us wanted to push our beginner's luck we cut it back to 60min. only. Boy oh Boy......even that timing was shot!! We played for 10minutes and rested for 10minutes and this went on for the next hour. After couple of hard hit free fall (with grace, mind u!) we were ready to throw in the towel after the second break!! What a bunch of losers we were................ -:))

In good faith, we played fair (all 30min of it). Screamed our hearts out, laughed full belly, teased and cajoled each other on the court and it was the best time ever that I've had with my friends.

P/s LEO, u should've been here.

YOGA

I love to meditate. Nothing clears away a stressful day than a good meditation. The graceful flow and deep breathing would cure almost anything. The techniques, the posture, the act of stopping all flow of thoughts to clamour your living brains seems pretty harmless. Furthermore, the soothing music that accompanies these sessions is good for the soul.

Out the blue, a friend invited me to go to the gym. Instead of sweating myself on the common treadmills that are full with over-popping testesterone, I joined a yoga class. Little did I know by the end of the class, it would make all my joints become jelly! [BTW, if you're on the heavy side and have skeletons bigger than your closet, be mindful of getting over excited of yoga]

• Obvious start is the breathing..........in and out......in and out, inhale/exhale.....inhale/exhale. (I thought to myself....this is not bad). Trying to understand what the foreign instructor was trying to explain with tons of 'yoga jargon' has started me crunching my face (not a good practice of yoga, I was told).

• 15minutes into the session we got to the 'bending' position. So there I was trying to hold my tummy in, extending my hands forward and slooooowwwlllly bending, bending and more bending!! Dear God.......i didnt know I had that much space to bend forward to get the perfect posture. Then.........the unimaginable thing happen. "Proooottt".......i think somebody in front of me farted -:)) [imagine you in the class and trying to keep a straight face now].

• Half an hour later, we were told to sit on the mat and did all kinds of stretching, twisting and funny movements that I can only dream of!!!! How much bendy can a person be?!! As the minutes ticked by with me huffing and puffing trying hard to be a passable student, it finally ticked to an end.

• Obvious to any exercise the cooling session is what everyone look forward to (at least for me). And apparently for yoga, the music plays an integral part. I'm still on the mat-my back flat, my feet in the air and of course going through the right ways of breathing.........in the last 10minutes, we were told to hold the 'relaxed pose' and to just close our eyes, breathe-breathe- breathe.......and relax-relax-relax.

• Ahhhhhhh............with the air-cond full blast and soothing music that seems to lull, I literally faded away. Next thing I know the lights were off, the room was empty and the cleaner is waking me up and shooing me off so that he can close the gym.

Next to sex, I cant think of anything else thats so satisfying and relaxing at the same time -:))

HOT

David Beckham asked... "What do u see when u see the colour Red?"

I Looooveeee The Colour Red. To me Red embodies bold, assertiveness and courage.
In fact, I'm wearing Red today. From the flower in my hair to the tip of my chilly red shoes.
My energy is synchronized to Red. I feel brazen today.
(This could mean, I'll be up to something foolish and reckless..........Hehehhehehe)

There's just something sinful about Red too. The mind automatically thinks of lust, virility, passion and sensuality. On the other hand, it could also mean violent, bloody, resentment, enraged or hostility. But who in their right mind would succumb to it without being aggravated?

So lets think of Red roses full of vitality and sweet Merlot.

I'm raring to go.

BRAND NEW DAY

Its been sometime since I last went out and did something childish and had fun! Nothing major though......out cycling -:)) I've forgotten how free I felt, the wind in my face, the fresh air, the smell of newly cut grass, the flow of thoughts as clear as a newborn day.

I used to go crazy with dancing, that was when the creaking knees and swaying hips werent complaining....... Hahahah! I still enjoy it but that activity has slowed over the years as the age keeps adding up. I remember the total abandonment I felt when I let myself loose in the few things that I enjoy doing without thinking. The rush feeling, flushing face when listening to the thumping of music and just swaying to the rhythm.........racing heartbeats with contentment of simple joys.

Next on the agenda :- Futsal, Shooting Range, Go-Kart, etc.

THOTS OF THE WEEK

We often form relationships based on unreal expectations of another person. When that person shows some kind of weakness, we feel as though they have betrayed us by not being what we expect them to be. We hope to find someone with all the answers, someone we can rely on and take strength from, so we endow them with qualities they do not have. The worse is when we are disappointed with our own illusions when they let us down.

COMMUNICATIONS 101

The more I think the more I feel that communication is the foundation of society and culture. For instance, our very world is shaped by words we express and images we create. An essential but all too often forgotten skill in communicating is that of listening. Definitely we all have something to say. Sometimes we forget that others also have feelings and things to share. Sometimes having the ability to emphatize goes a long way. If my feelings are in tune with another, then I believe the words that will flow and communicated will be powerful and enjoyable.

The art of concealing and revealing; at the right time, right place and to the right people is crucial. Messages need to be authentic and then we could feel that our presence is wanted and welcomed. It is necessary to match our feelings with our words BUT to think before we speak, would add weight to our words.

I realized that there are times when I need to be silent and tolerate others. One who is tolerant understands that listening is frequently more important than talking. Tolerance is building bridges, it doesnt bear grudges but understands that life is a continuous process of making mistakes and learning from them. Tolerance is a virtue and a fruit of wisdom. I firmly believe that all have the basic right to enjoy our own culture, tradition or religion. If we are self-righteous and think that our own culture and religion are the best and that the beliefs of others are unimportant, then we develop narrow-mindedness, intolerance, resulting in conflicts of various sorts.

MORE THAN FRIENDS

• Life is a mystery. Some say its a game, to some its a battlefield and to others a journey. Whatever one may call it, there's always a way to enjoy it. One of life's blessings is friendship. There's a saying that real friendship is never having to say sorry. When I was younger everything seems straight forward and that saying made sense. Its no longer a matter of taking advantage or having to apologize. Maintaining one is more than meets the eye.

• Now that most of my friends have extended families of their own, delicate consideration and forward thinking is required for these relationships. Everybody change at one point or another. In reality nothing stays the same. Conversations will tilt about husbands, children, education, etc. Outings are limited and lacking refined sensitivity could become an issue if I'm not careful.

• Little do I know that even when all the above plays into motion, its disheartening to find out that I'm still perceived as selfish. I thought my role to belong in a 'circle of families' is to adapt, accommodate and accept thats the way it will be. If I cant, I let go because I dont share the same fundamentals. To me letting go of the things that are beyond my control means to accept, be positive and to move on. So, I'm moving on.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Truth

A bird told me that I'm a confused soul who lived in the past and not the future. That I'm a pessimist and that my faith doesnt come from within.

Hard cold facts that are hard to accept and harder to swallow. Moment of truth............

• Honesty to me is speaking from a clear conscience. To be honest with myself (because that is what matters to me), is to speak that which is thought of and to do that which is spoken. Such integration provides clarity. To have one form internally and another form externally creates confusion and can have a detrimental effect. Honesty is as distinctive as a flawless diamond which can never remain hidden. The intention is visible in one's actions.

• Obviously, I'm only human. Certain circumstances do interfere at some point but having a clear conscience with myself is my sign of honesty. It is the awareness of what is right and appropriate in one's role, behaviour and relationships at that particular time because the inner and outer selves resonates with each other.

• As I journey through life and meet with rough patches, faith is what keeps me going. When there are threads of doubt, fear creeps in and my faith is shaken. If that is termed as not coming from within, I admit I'm guilty as charged. I know when the mind is focused and the faith within remains unshakeable is when I see the lamp of hope keeps burning and there is a feeling of the destination being close. Its that glimmer of hope that keeps me going regardless of obstacles.

• Perhaps I'm really not an optimist. I cant help but look at my past which moves me forward. That's my essence. When I'm continually being battered by the storms of life and when my spirit keeps ebbing away, I keep saying it again and again (repetition does makes a difference) I hang on to the gift called 'Faith' - the one support which will weather the storms. Faith doesnt depend on a clever head, only belief, belief in God, self and the strength that is derived from that divine relationship.

My last thought on the matter is that if Faith is my foundation in life then I'm a weak soul who succumbs as a lesser mortal.

RISING TO CHALLENGES

I feel for someone who's facing difficulties left, right and centre........ This is what I can say abt it.

The ability to confront and resolve external and internal obstacles, tests and challenges is a power that changes a person's life. It can help others change theirs by solving problems that look impossible.

The result is high self-esteem. When the situation is not likely to change soon, it is necessary that we face the situation or people with calmness and determination. In this process we see our thoughts, habits, beliefs as well as our talents and beauty. We learn to discern right from wrong and receive strength to face the obstacles which come from within and without.

Internal obstacles are old habits of behaviour. External obstacles come from those who deliberately stand in our path of change. Tests come when we meet those who triggered fear or hate. Can we face them, see their beauty and respond to that? Obstacles come to test the strength of our ability.

Look at it this way - every moment of our life's journey is a challenge. There are no problems, only opportunities to learn, grow and help others in the process.

Being a Sore Loser :(

Try to love what you have, don't try to have what you love.

My mom once gave me that advice at the age of 9 or 10 when I lost my beloved bike to some bullies while playing at the playground. I distinctively remembered fighting before I was forced to give in to defeat. More than 20 years had passed and it translated into my behaviour of still fighting and failing because I let my guard down. When will I ever learn................

What happens when you've loved and you've had but its yanked away? The bullies win again........ :(

Valentine's Voodoo

This week seems buzzing with unsurpassed and unexpected phone calls. Left and right invitations came to celebrate LOVE. Ahhh.....the wonderful tingling and exciting feeling you get when looking forward to a good time with good company.

Since this year's celebrations falls on a weekday it slightly dampens the long activity that follows the Celebrations but nonetheless the fairer sex would still forge ahead and plan the least of all candlelight dinners and some mushy stuff that the masculine sex would not have agreed to unless and if they can score at the end of the night -:))

Oh heck.........the best is just to go with the flow. I love watching those in love express themselves in public in the funny ways that they do. Gives faith that love conquers all in their own unique way.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY...................

Am I Asking Too Much?

Sometimes life can be a burden trying to stay one step ahead,
After all the broken storms that were thrown for no good reason,
Though my heart bears the scars with no sign of healing,
Trying to push the past away, I'm still waiting for the light to change,
Learning to barely feel the pain, the thicker the skin the less the strain.

All I asked for was when I call out is give me love and affection. Keep telling me and show me the way. If u see me falling down, lift me up from the shadows and bring me to a better place. In my darkest hour be by my side as life's getting me down sometimes feeling close to defeat.

I feel the world upon my shoulder each time, standing on the edge each time. My hopes deserted me. Its hurting my pride trying to survive knowing I had no chance.

I gotta keep moving on but I cant do it on my own. Behind my tired eyes, regaining strength each day, someday soon I'll be alright.

Who is the Boss of U ?

RULE NO 1 - The Boss is Always Right
RULE NO 2 - Look at Rule No 1 -:))

I've worked for the last 11+ years. Right after school actually. I love working. Had 2 marvellous boss. The first I worked for 7 years is a calm, jovial and charming mid-40s guy who always has a quick smile for me. The current one now barks all morning and expect everything on his table yesterday.........but never bites. LOL. Two different characters (like day and night) but with the same end result. Just get it done! No doubt its basically routine stuff tho the volume is high but It triggered me that I'm quite adaptable to both and a fast learner.

I am at times confrontational even when Rule No 1 Applies but I suppose whoever came up with the saying above must've gone through what millions of others went through and slowly may adapt Rule No 2 when they become complacent. No one should settle for less but in this day and age with all the merits of Change Transformation in the Working Environment that is implemented to move forward, do we really agree to both Rules?

I think it depends on what kind of situation of life you're in that will ultimately makes or breaks u.

Fabulous February !

This month greeted me with much enthusiasm. Spent 1st Feb. White Water Rafting.

To those who know me, this is a major joke actually. I DONT SWIM. Duh.......having said that, I put on a brave front and went anyway. To make a looooooong story short.....after some major knocks when the raft overturned, couple of bruises & scrapes, shouting (the monkeys there are proud of this skill of mine -:)) and screaming.........I survived.

Oh my GOD, what an exhilaration. I've always had a major phobia of the water (scared silly actually) but now I think it has tenfold!!! The knock probably made my head clear now. Hahahahha..........I scored more respect from friends that I went with and the proudest moment I had was when everyone hooted for me because I was knocked into the rushing river at the final overturn, rapid 5 and not a sooner later.
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Have u ever get bummed out while waiting for flights? That is the only thing that I cant stand when travelling. 2nd of Feb, I was uncomfortably waiting with my boarding pass to Bangkok. Reached there in the afternoon and spent another sickening long time stuck in traffic. Urghhhh.......

Aaaaah.........but the nice thing about being around the Thais......they are so accommodative, so respectful, so nice.......and with lots of exciting things to do in Bangkok.......what am I complaining, huh -:))

Love......Found...........& LOST

Shadow told me that I am a serious type of person who loves easily and am happy giving it although I myself may not be squarely happy.

How so true........My hope of finding and meeting someone in a distance far away land was banished by a bird......What that hope is, I'm not really sure and I dont think I will ever find out. Blessing in disguise? I doubt it. I thot a bird will show me how to fly, spread my wings, see the value, but I'm redha.....if its not meant to be.

Will I cry? NO. That is not me. Will I come up with a horrendous long list of why it may not come true? Will I knock myself out with depression? Probably not if my will is strong enough. What I will do is to close a chapter.

Before last weekend ended, I managed to annoy the living daylights of the bird in Erbil. Having said that, I thought how two different souls could be so mismatched but yet so attractively pulled towards one another. No explanations..................

After dinner on Friday, spent a quiet time reminiscing how the whole week had gone by. Need more soul searching. Other than work, I dont see anything interesting to write about. It seems to obliterate my waking hour to no end. Time to get productive.

Saturday n Sunday, did some volunteer work. Managed to catch EPL in between. Liverpool smashed Chelsea and Arsenal beating the hell out of MU. What a scene..........

Angel In Disguise

A bird in Erbil told me that miracles are everywhere.

Who would've thought that it would happen to me of all humankind? I'm floating aimlessly, all the time wondering what is the triumph of life? Hope is something that pushes me forward. Seems the Universe work in mysterious ways. When you give the more you receive. And I'm happy to note that reaping the benefits isjust like licking a lollypop that just wont end, SWEET.... :))

Time to Work!

The year started with a big bang.
I'm slowly coming down to earth after two weeks of birthday celebration.
Its the best so far.
Lunches, dinners, outings and good times are over.

Work has steadily moved and gaining momentum.
Time to be focused once again.
I'm putting the vacation on the back burner unless someone out there is willing to go with me.

One thing's for sure. This year is gonna be an 'activity year'
And first on the agenda................WHITE WATER RAFTING

P/s Will there be enough time to learn how to swim?
If I dont float, the worst that can happen......I'll sink :))

New Beginning....

The last day of 2006 was my birthday and Eid-ul-Adha. What a combination. Literally, my sacrifice was to spend time at the old folks home and bringing all kinds of goodies I could afford. Mentally my sacrifice for the coming year is to be less selfish (if I can help it). My dad said there's no such thing as less selfish. Only one or the other. Is that so? I shall wait and see.....

The day began and since it was Eid its the normal activities that came with the celebration that took center stage. With my new formed resolution, I kept my cool and embraced it. Lots of cleaning, cooking and entertaining of family, friends and relatives. Tired but felt I've achieved some of things I wanted to do before the year ends. I love entertaining and the whole day is bittersweet with laughter, teasing of getting 'older' and the inevitable question of when I'm getting married and settling down, etc.

The fun part came when the countdown began and I was actually at home looking out my window after a hectic day and seeing how beautiful the fireworks and the fact that I could still feel at awe and even contemplating how wonderful the day had been. Surprisingly I wasnt counting the calm I felt. It was different from previous years when I made it a point to have a party somewhere and be 'happening' in KL in the name of celebrating life. Now it all felt fake. Is this how grown up feels like? -:) Pure bliss, settled at home among loved ones and rested.

The next day, I met few of my close friends to rejoice my day and we decided to go bowling. Lots of jeering and laughter and as I look around me, its the same faces that has been with me for more than 10 years and who I cherished very much for being with me through thick and thin. Dessert of the day was strawberry cheesecake, (which is my favourite) and more laughter till we dragged our weary body back home with promises to do another activity for the next one in line to celebrate her birthday.

The sweet icing on the cake came when LEO called to wish me again and we talked for more than 15min. and he told me he's doing alright. I dont have to worry anymore.

I will not trade what went on the last day of 2006 and the start of 2007 for anything else and for some reason I can feel that this year, I'll be balanced with ups and downs that I can manage and I will persevere because I have lots of love within me to give away and for a fact it will be reciprocated back to me. GOD Willing.......I will find the calm and be merry.

Happy New Year!